Queen Jokes

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

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Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.

How does a queen get around her kingdom?

She gets throne.

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free

What does the Queen put on her toast?

Maamilade! Tada....... anyone? Anyone? I'll get my coat

Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects?

Because she was too ahoof.

What is it called when the Queen farts?

A noble gas!

Who was the first Mexican to be knighted by the Queen?

Sir Veza

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

What is something that is always heard but never seen?

A member of the Queen's guard doing a single squat.

How is a Mac like a Queen's guard?

They're both run by Unix.

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Who's gonna be the next queen of R&ampB?

I don't know yet but she's gonna be Beyondce!

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?

Her Highness will tell you

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

Why was Cleopatra so negative?

Because she was queen of denial.

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

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What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

What do you say when your opponent resigns after you take their queen?

Sorry mate.

What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?

Carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

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Why should you never give Queen Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll just let it go.

What's Queen Elsa's favorite fruit?

Cantaloupe

Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

What's Asian on top and black on bottom?

IQ distribution graph

Which southeast Asian drink is more popular, the iced tea or the coffee?

Neither. It's a Thai.

England Jokes More England Jokes

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Why is England the wettest country?

Monarchies have reigned there for centuries.

Cantaloupe Jokes More Cantaloupe Jokes

What did the pastor say when informing two fruits that they couldn't marry?

No, you cantaloupe.

Why do melons have traditional marriages?

Because they cantaloupe

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Why do businessmen carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas can't walk.

What do you call a German grocery store that carries everything but fish?

Not Sea Food.

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do so many people listen to Taylor Swift songs after a breakup?

Because they were tailor made for it.

Why was the manipulative ghost so unsuccessful?

People could see right through him.

50 Shade Jokes More 50 Shade Jokes

What do you call a naked old man crawling out of a coal mine?

50 shades of grey's anatomy

What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

Dairy Queen Jokes More Dairy Queen Jokes

Why did Burger King decide to partner with Dairy Queen instead of McDonalds?

Because she unwrapped his Whopper. I'm so sorry!!!

What do I have to do to get a margarita around here?

And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen.