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Bird Jokes

What's a robin?

Fred: A bird that steals ma'am.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane

Where do birds invest their money?

In the stork market!

Why is politics for the birds?

Because politiciands always parrot the same old lines!

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With it's sparrowchute!

What bird can write underwater?

A ball-point Penguin!

What do you call a bird that flies over a baseball stadium?

A fowl!

What did the owl say to the squirrel?

Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

Why didn't John die?

John is a bird.

What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics?

A hummingbird

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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?

A bird that will talk you ear off!

Which bird ran for President?

H. Ross Parrot

Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween?

It was for 'tick or tweet'!

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?

Toucan

What's the bird of love?

The Swallow.

What kind of bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

When should you buy a bird?

When it's going Cheep.

What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl?

A budgerigrrrrr!

Why did you steal that bird?

Prisoner: For a lark sir.

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What do you get if you cross an eagle with a skunk?

A bird that stinks to high heaven.

How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?

Toucan

What do birds give out on Halloween?

Tweets.

Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Because it's too far to walk.

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Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do you call a Chinese duo that plays ping pong?

Ping Pong

What is the definition of a minor 2nd chord?

Two flutists playing in unison.

New Year Jokes More New Year Jokes

Who's there! Amory! Amory who?

Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year!

How is Michael Jackson like the thousands of people outside Times Square on New Year's?

Once the balls drop, They're no longer interested!

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What is it called when a woman can't imagine having kids?

Inconceivable.

What did Michael Phelps say after the Mens 200m?

I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids.

Oinkment Jokes More Oinkment Jokes

What does a pig put on his cut?

Oinkment

How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

Camouflage Jokes More Camouflage Jokes

What do you call John Cena in camouflage?

Redundant

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Because they are already "in the skies".

Topic Jokes More Topic Jokes

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

Whats th first joke you remember hearing or that you told as a kid?

Mine is: What is the white stuff in bird poop? (That is also bird poop.) edit: til you can't edit the topic to fix spelling errors...

Tweetment Jokes More Tweetment Jokes

What does a sick bird need?

Tweetment.

What is the difference between the avian flu and the swine flu?

One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

What do you give an alligator who is having trouble hearing?

A gator-aid. Bet you did see that one coming:P