Cut Jokes

How do you get a goth down from a tree?

Cut the rope

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.

Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

It was stumped.

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a seesaw

Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

What kind of engine did you put in it?

Cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?

Lil Caesars

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baa-baa shop.

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Press Jokes More Press Jokes

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What do you call a tree that you can fit in your hand?

A PALM TREE!!!

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

Moderate Muslim Jokes More Moderate Muslim Jokes

What did the moderate muslim say to the radical muslim?

Hello friend!

Hole Jokes More Hole Jokes

Why did... Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one! Ha Ha Ha Ha

How do you know you're golfing with a politician?

When they get a hole-in-one they write down *zero* on the scorecard.

Boat Jokes More Boat Jokes

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat!

How do you get Pikachu on to a boat?

You Pokémon

Bald Man Jokes More Bald Man Jokes

Why is it so hard to get a comb from a bald man?

Because they never part with them

Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

Corner Jokes More Corner Jokes

What do you call the corner of 69th and main?

Your moms place of employment

Why aren't there any walmarts in Afghanistan?

Because there's a Target on every corner!

Shape Jokes More Shape Jokes

What would you say to a rocket shaped infant?

Baby, You're a Firework

Why is the oval office oval shaped?

Because the government cuts corners.