Cut Jokes

How do you get a goth down from a tree?

Cut the rope

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.

Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

It was stumped.

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a seesaw

Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

What kind of engine did you put in it?

Cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?

Lil Caesars

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baa-baa shop.

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Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

Why did the programmer die in the shower?

He followed the shampoo instructions.

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Oc Jokes More Oc Jokes

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?

OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

Shape Jokes More Shape Jokes

What shape is your hair in the morning?

A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter

Why'd you give me ghost shaped candy?

Cuz you my BOO

Beard Jokes More Beard Jokes

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

Why do terrorists hate air planes made of water?

Because they hate waterboarding.

What is trees' preferred drug?

Water. It helps them get high.

Radical Muslim Jokes More Radical Muslim Jokes

What did the moderate muslim say to the radical muslim?

Hello friend!

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

Where do police put their drinks?

Copholders

What did the police say to the hot dog?

You are under arrest.

Clau Jokes More Clau Jokes

Why can't Santa play in the NBA?

He has a no-trade Claus

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.