Water Jokes

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

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What's a stoner's favorite body of water?

The T.H. sea

How can you tell an ant is a boy or girl?

Throw it in water If it sinks = girl ant If it floats = buoyant

How does water stay warm during the winter?

It wears an aqua-fur.

How do you stop your water from running?

Stop paying the bill.

How much water does a frog need to breed?

Knee-deep! Knee-deep! Knee-deep!

How do redditors get their water?

From a well, actually

What do you call a gorilla in water?

Harambait.

What's the water polo team's favorite song?

Smoke on the Water, because they are always getting roasted.

What goes above the water and below the water but doesn't touch the water?

An egg in a duck.

What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife?

A midwife crisis.

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What's the creepiest body of water?

Lake Eerie. Note: This joke has probably been made before.

Why did the fish jump out of the water?

Because he was hooked on worms.

Why are ships' portholes round?

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

Where does a mansplainer get his water?

From a well, actually.

What goes over the water, and under the water, but stays dry?

Jesus in a submarine.

Why do watermelons have water in Them?

Because they are planted in the spring!

What do you get if you water a melon?

A wet melon.

Where do hipsters get their water?

From a well, actually.

What is steam?

Its what you get when you put water on my mixtape

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

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What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim

Why do honest ducks dip their heads under the water?

To liquidate their bills.

What did the giant wave say to the man?

Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

What should be done in case of apparent drowning?

Take the parent out of the water

Why does the ocean have water?

Because the sky is

What's the difference between water and gasoline?

In Flint Michigan you can get gasoline that is unleaded.

What did water say when ice farted?

Ice melt it.

What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?

Rudolph's red hose rain gear...

Why did the bear dissolve in water?

It was a polar bear.

Why do scuba divers fall into the water backwards off the boat?

Because if they went forward they'd be in the boat

What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'?

River Derci. Sorry.

Why are you not able to boil water in a tauntaun?

Because they're not real.

What do you call a armless, legless man in water?

Bob.

What did the homeowner say to the fruit growing gardener?

Water me lawn

What kind of water do you put into a waterbed?

Spring water

What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water?

Dolphout

What water does Snake drink?

Big Voss.

What do you call water that hasn't been changed?

Still, water.

How do you keep water warn in the winter?

Have it wear an aqua-fur.

Why did the water turn into steam?

It mistbehaved

What do you call a man with no arms and legs that falls into a body of water?

Bob.

Why do photons travels slower through water?

They having a float-on. it very good

What is trees' preferred drug?

Water. It helps them get high.

How do you convince your neighbor to share their water with you?

Try to get a long well.

What is the difference between a boat and a woman?

The boat cuts through the water, a woman waters through the cut.

Why didn't the girl ride her bike to go water the neighborhood flower bed like usual?

Because the pedals fell off.

What do you call an old snowman?

Water.

What can walk over the water, but can travel under the water without getting wet?

Jesus in a submarine.

Where does Russia get its water from?

De-stalinization plants

What did the fresh egg say to the boiling pot of water?

It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

What do a stoner lost in the desert and Bolivia have in common?

They're both really high and have no access to water.

What kind of water do you drink when the snow melts?

Spring water.

Why did the Egyptian spit out his water?

Because it came from the Suez.

What happened when the reporter fell into the water?

She became an anchor...

What did the sea-world trainer's friend say to him after he spilled water on his friends lap?

You did that on porpoise

What does Monsieur Homer say after spilling water on himself?

D'EAU!

What did the water say to the boat?

Nothing. It just waved.

What body of water is used for writing?

The Apostrosea.

What kind of bear dissolves in water?

A polar bear.

What did the egg say to the water?

I cant get hard, i just got laid by the chicken.

How does a mermaid give a man head?

She blows him out of the water

What do you call a man standing up to his knees in water?

Wade

Why are gold fish orange?

The water makes them rusty!

What do you call a water on a baby deer?

Fondue

How do you make a door hold water?

You open it slightly so it's ajar.

What do you call it when you have enough money to but a truck from 4 different people who used to cross small bodies of water?

You can afford four fjord forders' fords.

What's water?

So she wouldn't feel stupid.

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?

A crying saucer.

What's a fireman's favourite drink?

Water.

What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water?

Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.

What Did H Say 2 O?

Water you doing

Why is there an olive in your water?

Me: What water Oh yeah this, this is definitely water.

Why do some race drivers hate wet tracks?

Because the water is a distraction.

How do People in New Orleans have their beer?

Watered Down

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?

Bob

Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs?

Because only the top 1% can stay above water.

How do you tell if water is true or false?

Bring it to a bool.

What did water say when it found out hydrogen is a diatomic?

H2 Oh!

How do you make Aquaman cool?

Put him in water!

Why was the cook sad when all the water in his pot boiled away?

Because he mist it.

What's black hairy and writes under water?

A ball-point gorilla!

What happens when you drop a decimal point in water?

It floats.

What kind of water do ducks drink?

Bottled Waddle.

What do you get when you mix batteries and water?

Watt-er

What kind of car drives over water?

Any kind of car if it goes over a bridge.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs...... sitting at your door?

Matt....floating in your pool Bob....hanging on your wall Art.... water skiing Skipper.

What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?

A bit of a shock really!

Where is the fire at?

The man replies: it's back there, I'm just going to get the water! (This is a true story, my uncle really said this)

What did the priest say when watering his garden?

Let us spray.

How do you get a German out of the bath?

Turn on the water.

What do magistrates have with their water?

Just ice.

Which bear dissolves in water?

The white bear, because it's polar

Why do terrorists hate air planes made of water?

Because they hate waterboarding.

How do you lead a horse to water?

With carrots

What do you call someone who drinks too much water?

An aquaholic...

How do you get the water in a watermelon?

Plant it in the spring.

What's the big deal about Jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What runs all day but never gets tired?

Water.

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Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did one socket say to the other?

Stay grounded.

What do you get when you mix an Insomniac a Dyslexic and an Agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog

Waterbe Jokes More Waterbe Jokes

What kind of water do you put into a waterbed?

Spring water

Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed?

Because he sleeps on a waterbed!

Salt Water Jokes More Salt Water Jokes

What kind of ships can't go in salt water?

Snail-boats

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?

Got this is a Cracker Jack box) Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What has a million legs but can't walk?

Jerry's Kids.

Why is that my son?

Son: Because...Walking dead Intro/outro plays loud

Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

Where do pirates go after they are thrown out of Kansas?

Arkansas

Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?

A. She kept throwing out all the W's.

Touch Jokes More Touch Jokes

What's up Dad Party!" *dads go nuts* "I wanna know, IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?

Dads in unison DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies?

Disney movies can still touch children.

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

Why did the clueless shark keep swimming in circles?

It had a bleed on its tail fin.

What did the New York Salmon say to the driver?

I'm swimming here!

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of doctor does a duck visit?

A Ducktor.

What kind of dog does Sauron have?

A La-Barad-dr