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Dad Jokes

What do you say when you catch a deer with no eyes?

I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

What do we call a wireless mouse?

Hamster.

What sort of a car has your dad got?

I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.

How did Tiger Woods get the name Tiger?

His mom is Thai and his dad is.......

What did the gangster's son tells his dad when he failed his examination?

Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I told them nothing!!!

Who was that coughing in the background?

Me: Oh, that was Denise. Dad: Oh, da' niece I thought it was da' nephew. Buh dum tsssssssss

What is the difference between wealth and poverty?

And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'

Why did the dad make the joke?

For the pun of it.

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery?

Yep, people are just dying to get in there

Dad, can you put my shoes on?

I don't think they'll fit me.

What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?

A Popsicle.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

Why are you going through my phone?

BF: 'Do you have something to hide ' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'

Why can't leopards hide?

Because they are always spotted!

Turkey Jokes More Turkey Jokes

What's the Turkish version of court packing?

Turkey stuffing

Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What happens to lawyers after they die?

They lie still.

Why is everything lying on the floor?

My mom asked Gravity, I replied.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium. (Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)

What do my dad and God have in common?

I've never seen or heard from either of them.

Neck Jokes More Neck Jokes

Where was I conceived, dad?

Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset

What do you call a hundred black men buried up to their necks in dirt?

Afroturf

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

How did Jesus lose his virginity?

When he was nailed on the cross.

Why is Jesus bad at hockey?

He always gets nailed to the boards.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool?

Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!

What does Reddit and Dating have in common?

It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.

Good Place Jokes More Good Place Jokes

Where's the best place to hide an elephant?

Dad: Where is the best place to hide an elephant? Me: I don't know, behind a big rock? Dad: In a tree silly. Me: In a tree? Dad: When's the last time you saw an elephant in a tree?

Where's the best place to weigh a pie?

Some-where over the rain-bow... Weigh a pie.