Elf Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

What do you call an elf that sings?

A wrapper.

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks?

Because he was Legoless

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with?

Legolas

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

How do elves spell?

With an elfabet.

How many elves does a German santa have?

Elf.

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What's the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Gnomenclature.

What do you call an elf who lost all his toys?

Legolas

What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist?

Elrond Hubbard!

What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?

A nearby horseman answers, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

How many elves does it take it screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to be very small.

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Why can't you find pirates in Kansas?

They all live in Arkansas

What's worse than finding a lobster on your piano?

Finding crabs on your organ.

Forgive Jokes More Forgive Jokes

What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?

Mesquite squite squite....Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.

What did the deer first say when he got to church?

Deer God, please forgive me of my sins.

Share Jokes More Share Jokes

Why didn't the clam share his ipod?

He was shellfish.

Why did the Crab not share any plankton with his friends?

Because he was shellfish.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?

It wanted to play squash.

Connect Jokes More Connect Jokes

What's the difference between a USB and the USA?

One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, the other is a harware standard.

Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?

Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

Blame Jokes More Blame Jokes

Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?

Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What's Serena Williams' favorite time of day?

Ten-ish.

What time of day is the saddest?

The mourning.

Reindeer Jokes More Reindeer Jokes

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.

What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?

They're both brown except the snowball.