Elf Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

What do you call an elf that sings?

A wrapper.

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks?

Because he was Legoless

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with?

Legolas

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

How do elves spell?

With an elfabet.

How many elves does a German santa have?

Elf.

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What's the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Gnomenclature.

What do you call an elf who lost all his toys?

Legolas

What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist?

Elrond Hubbard!

What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?

A nearby horseman answers, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

How many elves does it take it screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to be very small.

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What do ducks do at Christmas time?

They Duckerate cookies....lol...

Why did the German baker claim on his insurance at Christmas?

Because his bread was stollen!!!

Blame Jokes More Blame Jokes

What did one earthquake say to the other?

I don't know what you're blaming me for, it's your fault!

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame

Safety Jokes More Safety Jokes

What person strives to ensure safety for horses?

Ralph Neighder!

What does music have to do with safety?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What did the baby say to its mom after breastfeeding?

Thanks for the mammaries!

What did the kangaroo say when her baby was missing?

Help! My pocket's been picked!

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What Would Beyonce Do?

Would she apply for a job Nope. She'd just show up one day like "I work here now."

What does Sonic say on the first day of Ramadan?

Gotta go fast!

Body Jokes More Body Jokes

Why do ostriches have long necks?

Because their heads are so far from their bodies!

What body of water is used for writing?

The Apostrosea.

Sack Jokes More Sack Jokes

Why did Santa bring his sack with him when starring in the pantomime?

He wanted to have some stage presents.

What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common?

Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking?

Because it's on the house.