Hippo Jokes

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.

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What did the banana say to the hippo?

Nothing bananas can't talk.

How do you know if a hippo is in your oven?

The door won't close

Why was the hippo afraid to go skiing?

He didn't want to get hippothermia.

What do you get when you mix a hippo, an elephant and a rhino?

Hell-if-I-know!

What do you call a hippo that swears?

A hippopottymouth

What do you call a hippo in Antarctica?

LOST!!

What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino?

Helefino.

Why do you never see Hippo's hiding in trees?

Because they're so good at it.

What do you call a cross between a hippo, an elephant and a rhino?

Hell if I know

Why haven't you ever seen a hippo hiding in a tree?

Because they are really good at it.

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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.

Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

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Why did Waldo go to therapy?

To find himself.

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Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town?

They wished it was Anubis.

Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat?

Cause if they rolled forwards, they would still be in the boat.

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Why should you always bring 2 pair of trousers when golfing?

In case you get a hole in one.

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

If it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan

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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

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Why did the elk cry at the funeral?

He had lost a deer friend

Why did Victoria lose her job?

We don't know, it's Victoria's secret.

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When pigs have a party who jumps out of the cake?

Nobody. The pigs all jump in.

Why did the chicken jump into the bag of popcorn?

The kernel was looking for him.

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What's the difference between American and Canadian?

A boat.

What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast?

Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.