Million Jokes

What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

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Why did Adele cross the road?

To say Hello from the other side. I called you a million times.

How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million?

Walk in with $2 Million.

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

How do you stop millions of children from going to bed hungry every night?

Take away their beds...

What has a million legs but can't walk?

Jerry's Kids.

What's a holocaust?

And I reply "Oh, about eleven million"

What did the American Army General say after the first opposing casualty in the Mexican-American War?

Juan down, a million more to go.

How many zeros in one million?

Six" "Ok, thanks" *writes milli000000n*

What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?

Imagine all the people..

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

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What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

What has a million and one legs but still can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

How many reps would you usually do?

He asked. "A million," I rep lied.

What's the difference between a sperm and a racist?

A sperm as a 1 in a million chance of actually becoming a human being.

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What will you do with a million watermelons?

I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money.

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program

The rest of them will write Perl

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Million Year Jokes More Million Year Jokes

What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny God: Just a second.

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes eight million years.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When my laptop asks "Are you sure?

It's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a member of the Westboro Baptist Church?

A retarded gorilla

Why would Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.

Sean Murray Jokes More Sean Murray Jokes

What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

What is Sean Murray's favorite song?

The sound of silence

Dinosaur Jokes More Dinosaur Jokes

Which dinosaur knew... Q: Which dinosaur knew the most words?

The thesaurus.

How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?

Down in the mouth!

Egg Jokes More Egg Jokes

How can you tell the pig is a failure as Easter bunny?

By the egg on its face.

What is a Hindu?

It lays eggs

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

How do you turn soup to gold?

Add 24 carrots

Where are the kids?

Me *turns around and goes back out*

Garage Jokes More Garage Jokes

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 1,000 dead babies?

I dont have a Lambo in my Garage...