Million Jokes

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say Hello from the other side. I called you a million times.

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How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million?

Walk in with $2 Million.

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

What has a million legs but can't walk?

Jerry's Kids.

What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?

Imagine all the people..

What has a million and one legs but still can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

How many reps would you usually do?

He asked. "A million," I rep lied.

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What will you do with a million watermelons?

I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money.

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

An envelope!

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

When did you first miss it dear?

Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.

How do you stop a bull from charging?

Take away his credit card.

Sean Murray Jokes More Sean Murray Jokes

What is Sean Murray's favorite song?

The sound of silence

Rest Jokes More Rest Jokes

What do you call a sleeping prisoner?

Under a-rest.

Why did the circus animals go on strike?

The elephants found out that they were being paid peanuts compared to the rest of the troupe and the ringleader was taking the lions share.

Penny Jokes More Penny Jokes

What did Sheldon say to Penny?

BaZINCa!!

What do you call a penny with Jesus on it?

J.C. Penny

Pile Jokes More Pile Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

What do you call a pile of dogs?

A ruff terrain.

God Jokes More God Jokes

What do you call it when an eclipse occurs?

When God forgets to pay the electricity bill.

What did God say to Noah?

Make a backup, I need to re-format this.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What does Aerosmith say when someone asks them for directions?

Walk this way

Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school?

Everyone kept saying it was back to school time.