Moses Jokes

How does Moses makes his coffee?

Hebrews it.

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How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it. I'm serious! That Israeli how he does it!

How does Moses get his tea ready?

Hebrews

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-Nile

How did Moses feel after falling for a craigslist scam?

Egypt.

What's Mohammed, Moses and Noah's favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

Why does Woody Harrelson's wife call him Moses?

Because he Ramparts the Red Sea each month

How did Moses make his tea in the morning?

Hebrewed it.

How does Moses get his coffee?

He buys it from Starbucks...

Why did Moses part his hair?

To make a path for the Israelice.

What does Moses do when he wants a beer?

He brews!

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How did Moses part the Red Sea?

He used a Sea-saw.

How does Moses make beer?

Hebrews!

Why doesn't Moses buy beer?

He brews it.

Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up?

He wanted to double his prophets.

What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

Let my peephole grow!

What did Moses say when Isaiah told him the levy had burst?

God Dam It!

How did Moses make his tea?

Hebrewed it

Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?

Because the shelter was non prophet.

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Propheterole Jokes More Propheterole Jokes

What is Jesus' favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

What's Mohammed, Moses and Noah's favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

Noah Jokes More Noah Jokes

Why didn't Noah go fishing?

He only had two worms!

What did God say to Noah?

Make a backup, I need to re-format this.

Red Sea Jokes More Red Sea Jokes

What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?

It gets wet.

What method does the Australian god use to part the Red Sea?

Oz Moses.

Basket Jokes More Basket Jokes

How is the Easter Bunny like Shaquille O'Neal?

They're both famous for stuffing baskets!

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?

Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

Why should you always take at least two Baptists fishing?

Because if you take one, he'll drink all your beer

Month Jokes More Month Jokes

What is the Rebel Alliance' least favorite month?

The Imperial March.

What gift do you want?

HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What time do you get up in the morning?

About an hour and a half after I arrived at school

Why doesn't anyone in insert nations capital use the toilet in the morning?

So they have something to do at night.

Da Nile Jokes More Da Nile Jokes

What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim?

In da Nile

Why was drug addicted Moses upset when he was floating down a river?

Because he was in Da-Nile