Moses Jokes

How does Moses makes his coffee?

Hebrews it.

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How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it. I'm serious! That Israeli how he does it!

How does Moses get his tea ready?

Hebrews

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-Nile

How did Moses feel after falling for a craigslist scam?

Egypt.

What's Mohammed, Moses and Noah's favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

Why does Woody Harrelson's wife call him Moses?

Because he Ramparts the Red Sea each month

How did Moses make his tea in the morning?

Hebrewed it.

How does Moses get his coffee?

He buys it from Starbucks...

Why did Moses part his hair?

To make a path for the Israelice.

What does Moses do when he wants a beer?

He brews!

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How did Moses part the Red Sea?

He used a Sea-saw.

How does Moses make beer?

Hebrews!

Why doesn't Moses buy beer?

He brews it.

Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up?

He wanted to double his prophets.

What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

Let my peephole grow!

What did Moses say when Isaiah told him the levy had burst?

God Dam It!

How did Moses make his tea?

Hebrewed it

Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?

Because the shelter was non prophet.

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Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?

Unfertillized

What time do you get up in the morning?

About an hour and a half after I arrived at school

Egypt Jokes More Egypt Jokes

What do you call a chiropractor in Egypt?

A cairopractor.

What happens if the protesters in Egypt win?

They advance to the finals against Tunisia.

Hebrew Jokes More Hebrew Jokes

What did the Hebrew's call it when they stopped receiving mana every morning?

Mana-pause

How does Moses get his tea ready?

Hebrews

Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

Why did Vanilla Ice steal a can of hair spray?

Because the label said, "Contents Under Pressure" Got this joke from my brother

Why don't you ever wear your hair down?

Me: It makes me look approachable. CW: So Me: I don't want to encourage that.

Egyptian Jokes More Egyptian Jokes

Why did the small Egyptian climb to the top of the pyramid?

He couldn't see the point.

Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?

Because their daddies were mummies.

Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

Why are there no owls here?

I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters

Why did Baby Moses believe he was Egyptian?

Because he was in da Nile.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What do you call a pc that fell in the ocean?

A Dell rolling in the deep.

What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building?

20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*

40 Year Jokes More 40 Year Jokes

Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?

Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train!

What's the difference between Reddit CEO Ellen Pao, and Yoko Ono?

About 40 years.