Moses Jokes

How does Moses makes his coffee?

Hebrews it.

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How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it. I'm serious! That Israeli how he does it!

How does Moses get his tea ready?

Hebrews

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-nile

How did Moses feel after falling for a craigslist scam?

Egypt.

What's Mohammed, Moses and Noah's favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

Why does Woody Harrelson's wife call him Moses?

Because he Ramparts the red sea each month

How did Moses make his tea in the morning?

Hebrewed it.

How does Moses get his coffee?

He buys it from Starbucks...

Why did Moses part his hair?

To make a path for the Israelice.

What does Moses do when he wants a beer?

He brews!

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How did Moses part the Red Sea?

He used a Sea-saw.

How did Moses make his coffee?

Hebrewed it.

How does Moses make beer?

Hebrews!

Why doesn't Moses buy beer?

He brews it.

Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up?

He wanted to double his prophets.

What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

Let my peephole grow!

What did Moses say when Isaiah told him the levy had burst?

God Dam It!

How did Moses make his tea?

Hebrewed it

Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?

Because the shelter was non prophet.

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What do you call an Egyptian spine manipulator?

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What do you call an Egyptian with a gastrological disorder?

Toot Uncommon.

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Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

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About 40 years.

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Which beer did the flower drink that made it realize that it was smarter when it was young?

Budweiser

What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.

River Jokes More River Jokes

Why did the hummer cross the river?

For the insurance money.

What did the sea say to the river?

You can run but you can't tide!

De Jokes More De Jokes

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

What do you call a Muslim who plays '50s rock music during Ramadan?

A Rama-dana-ding-dong

Noah Jokes More Noah Jokes

Why didn't Noah go fishing?

He only had two worms!

Where did Noah park his fish?

The carp-ark.

Tea Jokes More Tea Jokes

How did the hipster burn their tongue?

They drank their tea before it was cool.

Why do hipsters burn their lips when they drink tea?

Because they drink it before it's cool.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did the guy fall off his bicycle?

Because I threw a microwave at him

How do you call 4 blacks in a car falling off the cliff?

A waste. You could fit 1 more in the trunk.