Cow Jokes

How do cows talk to each other?

They cowmoonicate.

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What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

Deja Moo!

What's the difference between cows and bulls?

It takes longer to milk the bull.

What do you call a cow with a hysterectomy?

Decalfinated.

What's the difference between a cow and the Holocaust?

A cow can't be milked for 70 years.

Why are cows so famous?

Because they're out-standing in their field.

What do you call a cow that can't moo?

A milk dud Credit to my 5 year old nephew

What do cows get when they are sick?

Hay Fever

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure!

What do cows like to line dance to?

Any kind of moosic you like!

What do you call cow without a girlfriend?

Beef Stroken off

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Where do cows like to live?

St. Moo-is.

What makes the noise of a cow when you turn it upside down?

A cow.

What did the butcher say to the cow?

I love you for your inner beauty.

What did the cow say to the horse?

Mooooooo

What does a cow call his mate?

Oxfam.

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?

Happy Birthday to MOO Happy Birthday to Moo

Why did your sister feed money to her cow?

Because she wanted to get rich milk.

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

What do cows read at the breakfast table?

The moospaper!

What do cows do in traffic?

They moove

Why did the cow drink his own milk?

He needed the cowlcium.

What goes oo ooo oooo?

A cow with no lips.

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

Where do cows go on Saturday nights?

The slaughter house

What does a cow measure its harddrive in?

Moogabytes

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?

Eski-moos!

Why don't cows ever have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

What's in front of a woman and in the back of a cow?

The W. Yeah my dad just busted this joke on me.

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who?

No, cows go moo.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?

It was udder destruction.

What do you call a cow on a trampoline?

A milk shake!

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

MOODOO.

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What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?

Ground Beef

What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?

Ground beef

Cow Culator Jokes More Cow Culator Jokes

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

What do bulls do math with?

A cow-culator! (Cue groans)

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What is the American national day for vampires?

Fangsgiving Day.

How did the Santa Lawn Ornament feel the day after Christmas?

He was de-lighted.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

How's my driving?

Sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.

What type of phone does a hawk use?

A hawkie talkie.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?

Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.

What's a sheep's favourite band?

Ewe 2

Hind Leg Jokes More Hind Leg Jokes

Why did God invent shopping carts?

To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.

What do you call a dog with no hind legs?

Dragon balls!

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why did the little pig hide the soap?

He heard the farmer yell "Hogwash!"

Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies?

Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter there's a Gorilla in my soup!'

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?

Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."

Whatever happened to the Bob the Builder kids show?

Handy Manny took his job.