Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

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When do cows go to sleep?

Pasture bedtime.

How do you call a cow with no legs?

You don't, because cows don't have phones.

What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

What do you call a cow with five legs?

Rare.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Tri-tip.

What happens when a cow jumps over barbed wire?

Udder destruction!

What do cows do on Sundays?

They go to the moovies

What do you call a Cow on the moon?

A Moo - nwalker

How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk?

Udderly useless.

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Why do cows have bells?

Because there horns don't work

What do you call a cross between a penguin and a cow?

Pregnant

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

What has four legs and goes 'Boo'?

A cow with a cold.

Why did the cow tip over?

Excellent service.

Why did the cows cross the road?

They wanted to go to the mooo....vies

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Why did the cow return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do cows sit on?

Couches

What do you call a cow in a 6 second video?

A BoVine

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What do you call a cow during an earthquake?

A milkshake

What is the most certain way to prevent milk from souring?

Keep it in the cow.

What do you call cows that are best friends?

Brovines.

What do you call a cow having a seizure?

A milkshake.

What kind of newspaper do cows read?

The Moo York Times

How do cows do math?

A cow-culator.

How do cows go from one town to another?

They cowmmute.

What is a better name for cows?

Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!

How do cows move in groups?

Si-MOO-taniously

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you call a cow that will go down in history?

Legendairy From my young daughter

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

Why did the milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder

Where do cows go on movie night?

To the moooovie night.

What do you call a cow stuck in a hurricane?

A milkshake.

How do you make beef stew?

Tell a cow they're being watched.

What do you tell a cow blocking a road?

Mooove

What do you call a cow that just had a baby?

Decalfinated

Why don't cows play poker?

Because it's a high steaks game

What did the cow say to the hay?

I chews you

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What does a cow say in the winter?

I'm udderly freezing!

What's the difference between slavery and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 150 years.

What makes cows and horses so valuable?

They have a lot of moo/neigh.

What do you call a cow with only legs on one side?

Lean Beef.

What did the farmer say when he found dynamite in one of his cows?

This is a bomb in a bull.

Why don't cows smoke weed?

The steaks would just be too high.

What did the cow is standing all alone in a field say?

Where are the udders? (Thanks to my three boys for that one!)

What do you call a cow if he enjoys burgers?

A cannibull

What's the difference between a cow and The Bible?

You can't milk a cow for 2,000 years.

What do you get if you walk under a cow?

A pat on the head.

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

A pat on the head.

What happened when the cow tried to milk itself?

It was an udder catastrophe.

What do you call a cow that can go 3000 feet per second?

A bull-ette.

What do you call a cow stable in Egypt?

A Mubarack

What did the cow say in winter?

Oh my god. I'm Friesian!

Why did the Chihuahua laugh?

The cow jumped over the moon.

How does a cow quickly do math?

With a cow-culator! (Rimshot)

Where do cows go when they die?

Burgertory

What do you call a cow thats had a hysterectomy?

Decaffeinated.

What did the farmer say when he tried to milk the cow, but nothing came out?

Time to try the udder one.

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk?

A milk dud.

Why did the cow get a job at Google?

Because she was out standing in her field.

Why did the cow slap the bull?

He didn't play well with udders.

What do you call a moving company owned by cows?

A bunch of moooovers.

Where does a cow go to watch a film?

The mooovies. pls tell to friends.

What's the difference between a cow, and 9/11?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years.

What do you call a cow that goes online?

An eMoo.

What goes "Ooooooooooo!"?

A cow with no lips.

What did the cow say when she saw the Dalmatian?

Dam... I got to get in shape!

What's the difference between a cow who makes regular milk and a cow who makes chocolate milk?

A mootation

What do you call a cow who is also a knight?

Sir Loin.

What do you get if you cross history and a cow?

A moo-suem.

What's the difference between a cow and September 11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

How do cows communicate?

Moorse code.

What do you call an Arab who has many cows?

Milk sheikh

What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?

Ground beef

What do you get when a cow jumps in cold water?

Utter udder shudder.

What do you call it when the only cow on your dairy farm won't produce milk?

Utter despair.

How can you tell a cow isn't listening to you?

Everything you say goes in one ear and out the udder!

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

An udder disaster.

Why do cows never walk out of horror movies?

They're able to stomach a lot.

Why did they stop feeding cows the round bales of hay in Texas?

Because they weren't getting a square meal.

What's the difference between a bull and a cow?

A bull smiles when you milk it.

Why did the cow win a Nobel Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field.

What happens when you find bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

What do you call a cow that has given birth?

Decalfinated.

What do you call a cow that plays with itself?

Beef Stroganoff

What do you call a cow with one udder?

A bull.

What do you call a cow that gives no milk?

An udder failure.

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

What did the cow say when she jumped off a cliff?

Geronimoo!

What do you call a cow that got hit by a car?

Moo-tilated.

What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday?

A vaccation

What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike?

You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike

What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

You stop milking the cow after ten years.

What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?

De-calfinated!

What US state has the most cows?

Moosouri!

What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?

Cold cream!

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What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame

What's the difference between a 5 year old kid and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

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What do cows wear when they're vacationing in Hawaii?

Moo moos

How many cow-lories does a cheeseburger have?

Moo many...

Knock Knock Jokes More Knock Knock Jokes

Who's there? Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock Knock KNOCK KNOCK. Who is there?

The pilot.

Why did Joey fall of the swing?

Because he doesn't have arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Joey.

Ditch Jokes More Ditch Jokes

What gets longer the more you cut it at both ends?

A ditch.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

To turn the blinker off.

Ground Beef Jokes More Ground Beef Jokes

What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?

Ground beef

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

Sarah Palin Jokes More Sarah Palin Jokes

What do the Iron Man suit and Sarah Palin have in common?

They've both had a downy inside em.

What's a cow no legs?

Ground Beef What's a cow with two left legs Lean Beef What's a cow with two hind legs Sarah Palin