Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow that can't make milk?

An udder failure!

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How do cows measure time?

In mooments

What do cows do after they get married?

They go on their honeymoooooon!

Why don't cows simply run away from their farms?

Because they don't have enough sta**moo**na

What does a cow ride when his car is broken?

A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!

What do you get if you cross a cow a French fry and a sofa?

A cowch potato!

Why was the bull popular with all the cows?

Because he was smooooooooth

What's the difference between a cow and 911?

You stop milking a cow after 14 years..

Why didn't the cow want to go skydiving?

The steaks were too high.

What's a catalyst?

It's how a farmer keeps track of his cows.

What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

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What did the cow say to the masked robber?

Moo.

Why do milking stools only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder

What did the cow say to the farmer named Mitch?

Moo Mitch, get out the hay

How do you get dragon milk?

A cow with short legs

Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?

She was pasteurized!

What do cows get when they do all their chores?

Mooney.

What animal is faster than a cheetah?

A cow dropped out of a helicopter.

What do you call a cow that stopped producing milk?

An udder failure.

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow?

A tail pail!

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What does cows say when they want someone to move?

Muuuuuuuuuuuuhve...........

What does a cow call his girlfriend?

His significant udder.

What's it called when a cow attempts to jump a barbed-wire fence?

An udder disaster

Why didn't the cow go to the barn?

He wasn't in the mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

How do farmers count their cows?

With a Cowculator!!

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

A cow that can milk itself!

What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache?

A bad mood!

What do you call a cow in a Russian forest?

A moss-cow. Alternative answer: dead.

Why are barns so noisy?

All the cows have horns

What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?

I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to

What's the difference between Nine-Eleven and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight. Be gentle... it's my cake day

What is the first derivative of a cow?

A prime rib.

Where does a cow stop to drink?

The milky way!

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once?

I'm on the horns of a dilemma here!

What do cows do when they're introduced?

They give each other a milk shake!

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?

A lawn moo-er.

Why do cows poop carrots?

BECAUSE THEY'RE CARROT COWS!!!

What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?

A hole-y Cow!

What do you tell a cow that's in the way?

Mooooooooooooove.

What do cow pastures smell like?

Dairy air

What do you call a cow that's missing a leg?

A 3 legged cow

What newspaper do cows read?

The Daily Moos.

How do cows multiply?

With cowculators!

What does a cow do after a break up?

Mooves on.

What do you get when you administer marijuana to cows?

High steaks! (I'll just see my way out...)

What kind of music do cows listen to?

Dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

What did the cow wear to the football game?

A Jersey.

Why does a cow need a bell?

Because its horn doesn't work.

What does a cow like to do by a campfire?

Roast Moosmallows!

Why do groups of cows not like new music releases?

Because they've herd it all before

What is cowhide mostly used for?

Keeping cows from falling apart.

How do cows talk to each other?

They cowmoonicate.

What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

Deja Moo!

What do you call a cow with a hysterectomy?

Decalfinated.

Why are cows so famous?

Because they're out-standing in their field.

What do you call a cow that can't moo?

A milk dud

What do cows get when they are sick?

Hay Fever

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure!

What do cows like to line dance to?

Any kind of moosic you like!

Where do cows like to live?

St. Moo-is.

What makes the noise of a cow when you turn it upside down?

A cow.

What did the butcher say to the cow?

I love you for your inner beauty.

What did the cow say to the horse?

Mooooooo

What does a cow call his mate?

Oxfam.

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?

Happy Birthday to MOO Happy Birthday to Moo

Why did your sister feed money to her cow?

Because she wanted to get rich milk.

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

What do cows read at the breakfast table?

The moospaper!

What do cows do in traffic?

They moove

Why did the cow drink his own milk?

He needed the cowlcium.

What goes oo ooo oooo?

A cow with no lips.

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

What does a cow measure its harddrive in?

Moogabytes

Why don't cows ever have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who?

No, cows go moo.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?

It was udder destruction.

What do you call a cow on a trampoline?

A milk shake!

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

MOODOO.

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Moo many...

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Why did the black guy cross the road?

He heard there was chicken on the other side!

Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise?

It's meow-sic to their ears!

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What has 1 hand, 3 legs, 6 feet, and 2 heads?

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He had to wait in a Q!

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