Granite Jokes

Why doesn't the stone vendor value money?

Because he takes it for granite.

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Why did the geologist get divorced?

He took his wife for granite.

What is the best thing about Dwane "the rock" Johnson's physique?

Nobody takes him for granite.

Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen?

It was tired of being taken for granite.

What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don't take me for granite!

Why did Mrs. Quartz divorce Mr. Quartz?

He took her for granite.

Why did the Limestone feel unappreciated?

Because he thought people were taking him for granite.

Why do we never take the time to thank mislabeled concrete?

It's mistaken for granite.

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad?

Everyone takes him for granite.

What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint?

I'm always taken for granite!

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Why does nobody like a rich stone?

Because he takes everything for granite.

Why did the stoneworker get fired?

Because he took his job for granite.

Why was the slab of marble upset?

He was tired of everyone mistaking him for granite.

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Johnson Jokes More Johnson Jokes

What did Masters say to Johnson?

I don't know what the worlds coming to

Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book?

They all have phones.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why didn't Oscar Pistorius get a new bathroom door?

Because his wife was dead-set against it...

Why did my wife cross the road?

To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What did the yoga teacher say when someone asked if she wanted to leave the party early?

Namaste

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Kitchen Jokes More Kitchen Jokes

What was the pig doing in the kitchen?

Bacon! Get it?

What do you get when you throw a grenade into a kitchen in France?

Linoleum blown apart

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home?

Where on Earth have you been?!

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me!

What did the stressed-out casino worker say to their boss?

I literally cannot deal.

Marble Jokes More Marble Jokes

What's the difference between a truck full of marbles and a truck full of babies?

You can't unload a truck full of marbles with a pitchfork.

Why was the little boy speaking gibberish?

Because he lost his marbles.

Limestone Jokes More Limestone Jokes

What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don't take me for granite!

Why did the Limestone feel unappreciated?

Because he thought people were taking him for granite.