Granite Jokes

Why doesn't the stone vendor value money?

Because he takes it for granite.

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Why did the geologist get divorced?

He took his wife for granite.

What is the best thing about Dwane "the rock" Johnson's physique?

Nobody takes him for granite.

Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen?

It was tired of being taken for granite.

What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don't take me for granite!

Why did Mrs. Quartz divorce Mr. Quartz?

He took her for granite.

Why did the Limestone feel unappreciated?

Because he thought people were taking him for granite.

Why do we never take the time to thank mislabeled concrete?

It's mistaken for granite.

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad?

Everyone takes him for granite.

What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint?

I'm always taken for granite!

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Why does nobody like a rich stone?

Because he takes everything for granite.

Why did the stoneworker get fired?

Because he took his job for granite.

Why was the slab of marble upset?

He was tired of everyone mistaking him for granite.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How do you like going to school?

Son: The going bit is fine as is the coming home bit too but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

What time does a mechanic wake up?

Oily!

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What's the fastest way to make money as a guitarist?

By selling your guitar.

Why don't U2's lawyers ever make any money?

All their work is pro Bono.

Kitchen Jokes More Kitchen Jokes

Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?

There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.

Where is Victoria working now?

In the kitchen.

Geologist Jokes More Geologist Jokes

Why did the geologist get divorced?

He took his wife for granite.

What did the geologist say to his girlfriend before shagging her?

I am going to make the bedrock.

Mistake Jokes More Mistake Jokes

Why did the dog sleep so poorly?

By mistake he plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept popping out of bed all night!

Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?

Because she had one heck of an ex-goose

Quit Jokes More Quit Jokes

Why would I want to quit smoking?

Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer

Why did the bacteriologist quit her job?

She hated being microbe-managed.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why was the mathematician fired?

Because he was sur to requirements.

Why was the teenage girl fired from her job at the casino?

Because SHE JUST CAN'T DEAL

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

Why thank u.. are u single?

She:No, I'm a dentist

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.