Medicine Jokes

Where do Amish people go to get medicine?

To the farmacy.

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What kind of medicine do you give a kid having a fit?

An anti-hissy-tamine.

What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems?

Ant-Eye Biotics (Dad joke, I know)

What do you call alternative medicine that works?

Medicine.

Why do pigs run from medicine?

They hate getting cured.

Why didn't the guy with ADHD take his medicine?

He forgot.

What kind of medicine do bears take?

Bayer Asprin

What did the head trauma patients do when the price of medicine went up?

They went on stroke.

Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

Boy: Because he read the label and it said 'shake well before using.'

Why did Dracula need medicine?

Because he was coffin.

What medicine would you give an ill ant?

Antibiotics!

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What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine?

The hippocampus.

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

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Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

How do you know when a guy is really in love with his girlfriend?

When he starts using condoms with other girls.

What did the Machop say to the guy who was giving him a hard time?

You're really bustin' Machops!

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house?

He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus?

Nobody.

Why does everyone hate peppers?

They always get jalapeno business!

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

What veggies are the kids having with dinner?

Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...

Dracula Jokes More Dracula Jokes

Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?

Pencilvania.

What did Dracula say at the Christmas party?

Fancy a bite

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of bee can't be understood?

A mumble bee!

What kind of street to ghosts, goblins and ghouls live on?

A Dead End.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you make cultured milk?

You take it to the Moo-seum. I know this joke is terrible, but I totally came up with it on my own, but I'm sure it exists already.

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

What do you call a person with short-term memory loss?

I forget...

What's worse than watching your brother do a double barrel roll over 15 cars on a motorbike?

Having to watch him do a half barrel roll over 8 of them. R.I.P. Bobby. Never forget.