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Napoleon Jokes

Why was Napoleon's last name Bonaparte?

He didn't have any ligaments

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What is the big hairy thing between Napoleon's legs?

His horse Marengo

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

Why don't people name their kids 'Napoleon'?

It's too complex

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies

Why didn't Napoleon qualify for the urgent marrow transplant?

They couldn't get his bonepart

Which real-life dictator was the most fun?

Napoleon BonaPARTAY!!!

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

What did Napoleon say on the rollercoaster?

Ouiiiiiiii!

What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

A Waterloo

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What did Napoleon have up his sleevies?

His armies!

Why did Napoleon return from exile?

He needed more Elba room.

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

Why did Napoleon wear sleeves?

For his armies

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

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How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

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What's the difference between a virgin and a lightbulb?

You can un-screw a lightbulb.

Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

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Why does the letter "r" make all the difference between Friday and Sunday?

Payday vs prayday.

What is the difference between a divorce and a hurricane in the south?

Nothing, someone is losing a trailer!

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What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

A Waterloo

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What do you call it when you make fun of someone's gambling addiction?

Slot shaming.

Why is Lamar Odom so much fun...?

Because, he's just dying to party.

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How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix?

One I say one.

How much hate does it take to qualify as a "hater"?

I hate tons of stuff.

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What do monkeys sleep on?

Apricots. I used to love this joke when I was a little kid and told it over and over. I'm still a little in love with it for that reason. What are some of your favorite jokes from when you were a little kid?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Xbox?

They're both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.

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Who ruled France until he exploded?

Napoleon Blownapart!