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Napoleon Jokes

Why was Napoleon's last name Bonaparte?

He didn't have any ligaments

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What is the big hairy thing between Napoleon's legs?

His horse Marengo

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

Why don't people name their kids 'Napoleon'?

It's too complex

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies

Why didn't Napoleon qualify for the urgent marrow transplant?

They couldn't get his bonepart

Which real-life dictator was the most fun?

Napoleon BonaPARTAY!!!

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

What did Napoleon say on the rollercoaster?

Ouiiiiiiii!

What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

A Waterloo

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What did Napoleon have up his sleevies?

His armies!

Why did Napoleon return from exile?

He needed more Elba room.

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

Why did Napoleon wear sleeves?

For his armies

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

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Who wins?

Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

Who would win a football game between the 1989 Raiders and a team full of U2 lead singers?

Bonos.

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What do you call hot women in France?

Tourists

Where'd you get that?

The parrot says, "In France. They're everywhere!"

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What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

Why was Napoleon's last name Bonaparte?

He didn't have any ligaments

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Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

Why are all those people running?

Why are all those people running B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running

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Who's the best Mom ever?

Son: Oprah! Me: Gimme the damn cookies back! Son: See Oprah GIVES, she doesn't take!

What did the buffalo say to his son who was going off to college?

Bison!

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What happens when you get hit by a rental car?

It Hertz.

What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant?

It'll Dimsum.

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How a husband describe his wife?

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

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What Nationality was Otzi the Caveman?

He wasn't Italian, because he carried work tools, he wasn't Austrian, since he had some brains, he might have been Swiss, since he was outrun by a glacier, but most probably he was a German, because nobody else ever walks in sandals in the mountains.

Why is the Austrian flag red-white-red'?

So that they can't raise it upside-down