Napoleon Jokes

Why was Napoleon's last name Bonaparte?

He didn't have any ligaments

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What is the big hairy thing between Napoleon's legs?

His horse Marengo

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

Why don't people name their kids 'Napoleon'?

It's too complex

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies

Why didn't Napoleon qualify for the urgent marrow transplant?

They couldn't get his bonepart

Which real-life dictator was the most fun?

Napoleon BonaPARTAY!!!

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

What did Napoleon say on the rollercoaster?

Ouiiiiiiii!

What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

A Waterloo

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What did Napoleon have up his sleevies?

His armies!

Why did Napoleon return from exile?

He needed more Elba room.

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

Why did Napoleon wear sleeves?

For his armies

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

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What happened to the tyrannical peach?

He got impeached!

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Depends on what tune the Devil happens to be playing. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Austrian Jokes More Austrian Jokes

Why is the Austrian flag red-white-red'?

So that they can't raise it upside-down

What Austrian girls and wine have in common?

Both mature in a cellar.

Un Jokes More Un Jokes

What do you call it when three French cats get into a boat only meant for two?

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq!

What's the difference between a virgin and a lightbulb?

You can un-screw a lightbulb.

Sleevie Jokes More Sleevie Jokes

Where did Julius Caesar keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Where did George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Army Jokes More Army Jokes

What did they tell the burger who enlisted in the Army?

You've got no beef soldier!

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

Dan Jokes More Dan Jokes

Where does Napoleon live/Ou Napolon habite-t-il?

Dans un bon-apartement.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

Qualify Jokes More Qualify Jokes

How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix?

One I say one.

How much hate does it take to qualify as a "hater"?

I hate tons of stuff.