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Republican Jokes

What's the longest, hardest thing in a Republican's life?

Middle school.

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Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

What's the difference between a Republican and a Democrat?

How much damage can their Weiner make...

Why are Republicans always so strung up about 9/11?

Elephants never forget.

Why Republicans cannot swim as freely as they want?

Dems!

How are the homeless like votes?

Republicans have them thrown out.

Why is Dubya voting Republican this year?

So he'll only be the second worst president ever.

Why do Republicans make good DJs?

Because they know how to shut the House down.

Who had the best dinner with Megyn Kelly after the Fox Republican Debate?

Dracula.

Why does America have so many boasting Republicans?

Because it needs some bragging rights.

Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

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What do condoms and taxes have in common?

Republicans are against them and Democrats want more for schools.

What does a radical, Democrat and Republican have in common?

They both want to make money off of other people's work!

What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats?

Republicans sign their checks on the front, and Democrats sign on the back.

Who says Republicans aren't into recycling?

Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again.

What's a Republican's favorite number?

NEIN!

What do Congressional Republicans and ISIS in Afghanistan have in common?

Their first act since arriving was to go after the elderly.

How are that many Republicans candidates supposed to debate each other at once?

Throw a dollar bill in the floor and let the last one alive run for president.

How do you pump a Republican for information?

With a plunger.

What do you call a Republican fashion director?

Clothed minded

Why do Republicans hate lotion?

Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

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Why do Republicans use rulers?

They want everything to be straight.

Why are they called jokes?

Because calling them Republican presidential candidates would make me cry.

What do you call 11 people on national television debatting religion?

The Republican presidential candidates.

Why are Republicans so easy to point out?

They're usually the elephant in the room

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Check Jokes More Check Jokes

How does Stevie Wonder check Facebook?

With his EyePhone

Where did the pregnant T-Rex go for a check-up?

The dinocologist

Middle School Jokes More Middle School Jokes

What's the longest, hardest thing in a Republican's life?

Middle school.

Monica Lewinsky Jokes More Monica Lewinsky Jokes

What's white, located in washington and has a president within it?

Monica Lewinsky's teeth.

What is the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

1 US Leader.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why'd the mushroom go to the party?

Cause he's a fungi! Why'd the fungi leave the party Cause there wasn't mushroom!

What did the buffalo say before his son left for school?

Bison

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What does a traffic cop do when he wins some money?

Buys an intersection for a private business work.

What do you call a woman drowning in money?

Rich... Also an ambulance.

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

What's the thing that is about 5-6 inches long, it goes into mouth and when you rub it back and forth it produces a white liquid?

A toothbrush.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth

Sign Jokes More Sign Jokes

What are the rules about Canadians?

Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up

How do you know your boyfriend loves you?

SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance

How did Canada pick its name?

There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.