Split Jokes

How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

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What did the duck say after it split the atom?

Quark! Quark!

Why did the programmer's girlfriend move back home so quickly?

She returned because all he ever did was split her in the middle for log(n) time.

How did the Romans split up their empire?

With a pair of Caesars. (Thanks)

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

Why did the bowler bring two pairs of pants?

He wanted a spare in case he had a split.

What do you need to split a photon?

A lightsabre

Where did Czechslovakia split up?

At the Czech-out line.

Why should you never date an atom?

The split is gonna be explosive

Why did the pig wear yellow coveralls?

He split a seam in his blue ones.

Why did the atom stick around?

Cuz if he split, the situation would have gotten blown out of proportion.

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Who's there! Banana! Banana who?

Banana split so ice creamed!

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Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

What's a feminists least favorite Pokemon?

Abra!

What's the difference between a feminist and a bomb vest?

The bomb vest actually does something when triggered.

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

Why shouldn't you kiss someone on January 1st?

Because its the first date

What excuse did the unemployed cellist give for going Dutch with his date?

He's flat Baroque...

Hairdresser Jokes More Hairdresser Jokes

Why are hairdressers never late for work?

Because they know all the short cuts!

What do you get if you cross a hairdresser with a werewolf?

A monster with an all-over perm.

Return Jokes More Return Jokes

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

What does a networking robot say when returning from the bathroom?

Sorry, I http

Lesbian Jokes More Lesbian Jokes

What are my views on lesbian relationships?

I view it in HD.

What does an 80 year old lesbian taste like?

Depends

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connections for the following reasons: 1. Illegal downloading. Thank you, and have a nice day.

How did the Romans split up their empire?

With a pair of Caesars. (Thanks)

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

What's red and invisible at the same time?

No tomatoes.

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in December?

The specific ocean.

Why do stormtroopers never have long distance relationships?

Because they'd miss each other.