Plate Jokes

What did the plate say to the fork?

Don't worry, the dinner's on me.

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What did one plate say to the other?

Lunch is on me.

How many plates do you need to draw a picture?

Tenplates

What happens to a plate made out of cookies when you drop it?

It chips.

Why did my family serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap for Christmas breakfast?

Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

What is the best kind of plate for a continental breakfast?

A tectonic plate!

Why should you serve Eggs Benedict on shiny metal dishes?

Because there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.

What did the plate say to the mug?

Food's on me tonight.

Where does Saddam Hussein keep his plates?

In Iraq.

Where does the catcher sit for dinner?

Behind the plate.

What is a dog's favourite food?

Anything that is on your plate!

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Why don't emus ever finish all the food on their plates?

They don't want to be ostrich-sized!

What do you call someone who breaks a plate and then apologizes?

Dishrespectful...

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner is on me!

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Shift Jokes More Shift Jokes

Why couldn't the laptop go to sleep?

Because it has two shifts.

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me".

Who started the campfire website?

Some bright spark.

Bump Jokes More Bump Jokes

What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?

I Apollo-gize

What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why would you wear two pairs of pants while golfing?

You might get a hole in one.

What do books wear on a rainy day?

Rain Quotes

14 Jokes More 14 Jokes

What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

Why was 7 arrested for homicide?

Because somebody divided 14 into 2 and he was the prime suspect

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

What's the difference between a school teacher and a train?

A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

What do you get in the Netherlands, when you fail your driving test three times?

A yellow license plate.

Well Kind Jokes More Well Kind Jokes

What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party?

A turn up

What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at a busy intersection?

A pointer!