Star Jokes

How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars?

Well... If it's any constellation...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why is Jeopardy the #1 show in the U.S.?

Because Michael Douglas starred in "Double Jeopardy" in 1999.

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?

You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)

Why did the blonde move to California?

To be a star on Broadway Creds to That 70's Show S04 E6

Which star do the dinosaurs like best?

The one that keeps getting bigger

What do astronomers do when they have nowhere else to turn?

They default in our stars

What do a Cloudy Night and Dancing With The Stars have in common?

More than likely you won't see any stars.

What movie did Leonardo DiCaprio's dog recently star in?

The Woof of Wall Street.

What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage?

Divine intervention. edit: Oh.

What will Ryan Lochte say if he looses "Dancing With the Stars"?

I was robbed" Sorry, that just came to me like a stroke of idiotic genius and I couldn't help myself.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

When I look up at the majesty of all them stars it really gets me to thinkin, when we gonna get that ding dong roof patched up!?

Ah horse apples!

What side of the American flag are the stars on?

Both sides. Came from my FIL on this Memorial Day.

What does one star say to another star when they meet?

Glad to meteor!

What does a virus call a cluster of stars and gas?

Nebola

Why are astronomers so popular with the ladies?

Chicks dig stars.

What would the most depressing game show be?

Biggest Loser: All-Stars.

What's the number for poison control?

Dancing With the Stars is on and I need to make sure this will be enough.

What's the difference between a star and America?

The star has a bright future.

What do you call it when the stars align for a mustard thief?

A Gulden's opportunity.

Why did Santa bring his sack with him when starring in the pantomime?

He wanted to have some stage presents.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

What happened to the astronaut who was knocked out?

He saw stars.

How much do you love me?

Count the stars in the sky and that's how much I love you "But it's so cloudy" *pats her on the head* Yeah I know

What kind of a star can be risky?

A shooting star!

What stars go to jail?

Shooting stars.

How are false teeth like stars?

They come out at night!

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80 Jokes More 80 Jokes

What does a Pirate say when he turns 80?

Ayyyeeeee mmmaattteeeyyy.

What do you call a spider that likes 80s music?

A Durantula.

Chase Jokes More Chase Jokes

Why did the leper chase the leopard?

Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)

Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden?

We're raising mashed potatoes.

Texas Jokes More Texas Jokes

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

Why did they stop feeding cows the round bails of Hay in Texas?

Because they weren't getting a square meal.

Member Jokes More Member Jokes

How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."

What is something that is always heard but never seen?

A member of the Queen's guard doing a single squat.

Jail Jokes More Jail Jokes

What stars go to jail?

Shooting stars.

Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed

Eu Jokes More Eu Jokes

What is the fastest way to lose pounds?

Leave EU.

Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU?

Because there is no Turkey

Star Wars Character Jokes More Star Wars Character Jokes

What do you call a book filled with outlines of Star Wars characters?

A Kylo Ren Book

Which Star Wars character was arrested for drunk driving?

Han Solo. Because he took a shot first.

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

What was the poltergeist arrested for at the campground?

Possession within tent

Why was the heroin dealer arrested at the basketball game?

He was talking smack.