March Madness Sale - 25% Off

War Jokes

What is statistically three times worse than a war?

Three wars

$Your Age Is Only Math$

March Madness Sale

Your Age Is Only Math

How do tacos fair in a war?

They tend to be shells of their former selves

What do you call it when you play tug-of-war with a pig?

Pulled pork.

How does Greenland win a war?

Nuuks.

What do you say when a corrupt Soviet takes a bathroom break right before war?

Now you're just Stallin.

What do you call war fought with bees?

Beeological Warfare

Why are firetrucks red?

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always Russian around.

Why does the French flag have Velcro?

So the blue and red sections are easily removed during a time of war.

What's wrong with the phrase "War on Drugs"?

Wars end.

How do the French Train for War?

The 100 Meter Sprint

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

March Madness Sale

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

Which war had the most overweight soldiers?

VietNOMNOMNOM

Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet?

They were Putin up with him.

Which war was the hungriest?

Viet-nom.

How does an octopus go to war?

Well-Armed

Who is the easiest to get a high-five from in a war?

The French. They always have their hands up.

What do you call baby ents that are going to war?

The infantree.

What is the most useful thing in the French Army?

A rearview mirror, so that they can see the war!

What small plant is used in war?

The millitree.

What do dyslexic soldiers get after war?

PDTS

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

March Madness Sale

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Who took care of German army dogs after the war?

Veteran Aryans

What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis?

Daeshcams

What am I, The Lord of War?

Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else.

What does electron and proton say when they go to war?

Chaaaarge!!

What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns?

A bull pull!

What is a snowman's favorite book?

War and Frozen Peas!

What is cookie monsters favorite war?

Vietnom nom nom nom

What do you call an empty field?

The French army at the beginning of a war!

What do we call this war?

The World War " "No. There's already been 1 of those" "Uh this is a world war, too" *the streetlights explode*

What is the French verb that means "To declare war"?

Surrendre*

We've Got This Love Thing Down

March Madness Sale

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?

Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

How do you convince America to join a war?

Tell them its almost over

You might also enjoy:

Stallin Jokes More Stallin Jokes

What do you say when a corrupt Soviet takes a bathroom break right before war?

Now you're just Stallin.

Why did the dictator's plane crash?

It was stallin'

Han Solo Jokes More Han Solo Jokes

What did Han Solo say when Leia asked for help with a crossword clue?

I don't know

What does Han Solo see looking into the mirror?

Han Double

Star Wars Character Jokes More Star Wars Character Jokes

What do you call a book filled with outlines of Star Wars characters?

A Kylo Ren Book

Who is ISIL's favorite Star Wars character?

ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR!

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

How did the stem cell break it to his girl?

It's not you it's me*iosis* Could probably do with some work on deliver as I made it 5 minutes ago

How many 1980s R &amp?

B divas does it take to fix a broken lightbulb? Just one, but they fix the crack by torchlight

Drunk Driving Jokes More Drunk Driving Jokes

What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?

I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

How did the steak knife find himself after drunk driving?

In car, serrated

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What game do little cows like to play?

Moonopoly.

Why can't pirates play any card games?

Because someone's always on the deck!

Star War Jokes More Star War Jokes

What do Star Wars and the United Kingdom have in common?

They both abandoned the EU

Why is the ice planet in Star Wars called "Hoth"...?

Shouldn't it be "Coldth"

Tug Jokes More Tug Jokes

What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns?

A bull pull!

How do choo choo train go down many mountain?

It go "TOOT" then thomas Tank gives tug