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War Jokes

What is statistically three times worse than a war?

Three wars

Love

Love

How do tacos fair in a war?

They tend to be shells of their former selves

What do you call it when you play tug-of-war with a pig?

Pulled pork.

How does Greenland win a war?

Nuuks.

What do you say when a corrupt Soviet takes a bathroom break right before war?

Now you're just Stallin.

What do you call war fought with bees?

Beeological Warfare

Why are firetrucks red?

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always Russian around.

Why does the French flag have Velcro?

So the blue and red sections are easily removed during a time of war.

What's wrong with the phrase "War on Drugs"?

Wars end.

How do the French Train for War?

The 100 Meter Sprint

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed...

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

Which war had the most overweight soldiers?

VietNOMNOMNOM

Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet?

They were Putin up with him.

Which war was the hungriest?

Viet-nom.

How does an octopus go to war?

Well-Armed

Who is the easiest to get a high-five from in a war?

The French. They always have their hands up.

What do you call baby ents that are going to war?

The infantree.

What is the most useful thing in the French Army?

A rearview mirror, so that they can see the war!

What small plant is used in war?

The millitree.

What do dyslexic soldiers get after war?

PDTS

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Who took care of German army dogs after the war?

Veteran Aryans

What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis?

Daeshcams

What am I, The Lord of War?

Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else.

What does electron and proton say when they go to war?

Chaaaarge!!

What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns?

A bull pull!

What is a snowman's favorite book?

War and Frozen Peas!

What is cookie monsters favorite war?

Vietnom nom nom nom

What do you call an empty field?

The French army at the beginning of a war!

What do we call this war?

The World War " "No. There's already been 1 of those" "Uh this is a world war, too" *the streetlights explode*

What is the French verb that means "To declare war"?

Surrendre*

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?

Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

How do you convince America to join a war?

Tell them its almost over

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Pull Pork Jokes More Pull Pork Jokes

What do you call it when you play tug-of-war with a pig?

Pulled pork.

What do you call a pig on a leash?

Pulled Pork

Abandon Jokes More Abandon Jokes

Why didn't Rick Grimes settle his group in an abandoned senior center?

Too many walkers.

What is it called when Batman abandons Gotham city?

Christian Bale.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

Why did the ghost go to the bar?

For the BOOOOze.

What did the horse order at the bar?

Chardaneiiiiiiggghhhhh

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

How many pull-ups can you do?

Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses Me: Almost 1.

What do you call the 1 yard line at the Super Bowl?

A running play - Obviously...

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

What did you say to the policeman who spent eight hours on the Internet?

Oh give it arrest.

What was the poltergeist arrested for at the campground?

Possession within tent

Shot Jokes More Shot Jokes

Why did President Kennedy never get drunk?

He wasn't very good at taking shots.

Why couldn't JFK be a boxer?

He couldn't take shots to the head.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who wins in a fight: Goku or Superman?

Wrong, Batman always wins. &nbsp; Yes, I do have the sense of humor of a 5 year old.

Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What game do enemy naval officers play in the sauna?

Battleshvitz

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?

A mouse organ!