Wife Jokes

Why were the 2 in love melons upset?

Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)

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What happens if you sing country music backwards?

You get your job and your wife back.

How to make your wife take care while driving?

Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.

What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?

Wife: Please go wait in the car

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

Recalculating route.

What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle?

My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife?

Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise.

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

You get your job back, you get your wife back and you get your tractor back.

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Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What would you call an additional day added to the week?

Sumday

What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?

After a week he was spotless!

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What did Jared Fogle say when his wife told him she wanted kids?

Me too*

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you kidding That's a hardware problem!

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

How long do you need to know someone before sharing fries?

Because I'm about to introduce myself to the girl at the end of the bar.

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar?

Weight for it...

Gut Jokes More Gut Jokes

Why did the skeleton burp in the church?

He didn't have the guts to fart

Why wouldn't the skeleton jump off the cliff?

Because it had no guts.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you tell a women with a black eye?

Nothing, you already told her once.

How do you sink a norwegian submarine?

Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand?

Because she uses the other one to sing.

Howdo you stop a baby from running in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

State Jokes More State Jokes

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

When they named the state of New Mexico were they degrading the state or honoring Mexico?

It seemed funnier when I first said it. is this how it always happens

Scent Jokes More Scent Jokes

What do you call a scent that wanders?

An a-roam-a.

What flavor is it?

I think you mean 'what scent is it ' *with a mouthful of candle wax* -What