It's a bouqet of forget-me-knots.
I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet.
He wasn't single.
Darth Vader.
Surname
Hope you're ready for the next episode
And in the background someone replied "You ain't got enough bullets."
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
I want a divorce
He liked to chop and change!
Because they finish each other's sentences
Please answer before my wife gets home!
Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see.
If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone
You have diafetus
Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!
I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."
My ex-wife
Wife: As opposed to what
Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours " Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive."
Wife: Your sense of humor.
He said "I'm going to try on a different shoe size."
Wife: Would you please call our children by their names!
The jury store
Because the wives had to get on board somehow.
Ughs and kisses!
Babe, it's a valve!
3-year-old: A cake. Wife: Where is it 3: You haven't made it yet.
The dress is white and gold
You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.
WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*
It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk
I don't know, me and my wife just thought it had a nice ring to it.
Explaining his wife.
About 10 pounds.
Because he couldn't sleep with anyone.
He couldn't afford it; he was "Baroque".
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
Tequila
When I do her hair: "How about a hat "
Wife:What is 10 years with me Husband:A second. Wife:What is $1000 for me Husband:A coin. Wife: Ok give me a coin. Husband:Wait a second
A tray shaped dinosaur. Credits go to the wife for that one! She still giggles when she tells it.
His wife didn't know any decent crackers.
Husband: Same as Jesus.. Wife: What do you mean Husband:I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!!
Me: How about a newspaper. Wife: OK, which one Me: Today's.
Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)
You get your job and your wife back.
Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.
Wife: Please go wait in the car
Feyonce
Recalculating route.
My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.
WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise
Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise.
You get your job back, you get your wife back and you get your tractor back.
None. Each lightbulb contains the means of its own revolution.
Theft
When you ask them "2+2 is?":
You get a tizzy signal!
Hole is going to be huge!
If most people leave before shooting starts.
Because he was looking for Pooh!
Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.
Because their peckers are on their faces.
Because he kept throwing his pi in other peoples faces!
Because their lipstick
She yelled. "It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."
Because they both "practice" their professions.
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
The broom gets sweepy.
To get a better grip on the broom
