Elixir!!!!!
The chain is too long.
You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!
Because every time i talk dirty to my wife she tells me to go to hell.
He took his wife for granite.
I missed you
To remind them why there's no money in it
Life eventually ends.
Wife.
He became a quack head
He tractor down
Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.
Cantilever? (can't I leave her)
His wife and kids.
Because we want to!
They keep the mailman away from his wife
Your wife back, your dog back, your house back...
Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him.
He Double Gloucester.
Berrrnie Sanders H/T: wife
Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.
You get your wife back. Your house back. Your truck back. Your dog back...
Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one
Conjunction junction, they specialize in hooking up words, phrases, and Clauses
You get your wife, truck, and land back.
Because he screwed his wife!
To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago.
Te-quil-a
Visa or Mastercard?
He found his wife sweeping with someone else.
Ello, 'ello, 'ello!
Remove the ring and your house is gone.
Anyone that goes near my wife!
His wife made sure he only came once a year.
In the garden. -But I don't see her. -Oh, you just have to dig a little.
You made the chain too long in the kitchen.
5 minutes talk to wife.
I don't mind telling work the other jobs I've done
Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.
Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.
Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!
10 bucks says I don't need this oxygen tank
A hug and a little quiche.
Amor-Man
A widow
Because his wife was dead-set against it...
Both are French.
Watching his wife and children die before his eyes.
Don't go bacon my heart
You can silence a gun.
Aye, Chi-Chi, Why?
Meet Patty
It takes four years to get an election.
Did you try turning me off and on again?
No on knows. It's a Mister Bee.
He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...
Engage.
Wait, I can explain everything!
My girlfriend knows about my wife.
Your wife.
He was thrown out at home. - His two balls got a strike.
Pre-nup brittle.
Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!
Talk in your sleep.
You get your house back, your dog back, your wife back, and you sober up.
Every night, he'd go out and drink until it was light.
To get to the other wife.
Two wives.
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside.
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
W song backwards? Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.
Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
And when did my wife start smoking
WIFE: I just...sobbing...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels
They want to.
He was gladiator
Because he just couldn't bereave it.
His Ex-Wife.
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.
He is asked why are you so crying Do you cry about your close relative -No, I am crying about the first husband of my wife.
Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.
Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!
An attic door can shut up. im going to hell
She named him Oedipus.
Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.
About 60 pounds.
Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.
Who are you
About 45 pounds. What's the differece between a husband and a boyfriend 45 minutes
A dependent Claus.
Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me petting a bee: You're not strange are you Alan
Because his wife needs him.
HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!
Me too*
Pungent
Police police police police police police police police police police police.
Because he was afraid of change.
They're dollar coins, because a quarter is two bits, which means a dollar is 8 bits.
Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?
Because all he says is "Chug Chug Chug"
Because Adam was ribbed for Eve's pleasure
I dont know and I dont care.
Because their lipstick
She puts it on her bill
So they can get a better grip of the broom.
It over swept
Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank!
5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.
