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Borrow Jokes

What did the English teacher write when she needed to borrow money?

An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one

Birthday State of Mind
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Birthday State of Mind

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What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow?

He's never gonna give you Up.

What Pixar movie will Rick Astley never let you borrow?

He's never gonna give you Up! Credit to my friend who doesn't even Reddit.

What do you call it when a bison borrows money from you?

A buffa

What did Larry McMurtry say when his neighbor asked to borrow a bar of soap?

He said "Sure! I could loan some Dove".

What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?

Thanks for the handy cap.

Why is there a broom in the driveway?

Me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car

What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?

A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.

What's the one movie Rick won't ever let you borrow?

He won't ever give you *Up*.

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?

GtOnly if you go aks your mother.

Your Age Is Only Math
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Your Age Is Only Math

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Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?

Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.

What's it called when you borrow cheese from a friend?

Taking out a provoloan

What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know. Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

What happened after the man borrowed a sad movie from his friend?

He lost it.

What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini?

You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.

Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?

The bear hug!

What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic?

Wait for him to give it back.

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Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why didn't the bike go to the car show?

Because he was two tired.

How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?

Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did the throwing star say when I asked her if she could hit her target?

Of course, I'm shuriken.

When a cop pulls you over and asks, "Papers?

Answer "Scissors." then drive away..

Handy Cap Jokes More Handy Cap Jokes

What's the most useful type of hat?

A handy-cap

What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?

Thanks for the handy cap.

Sax Jokes More Sax Jokes

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

Why couldn't they show the orchestra concert on TV?

There was too much sax and violins.

Broom Jokes More Broom Jokes

What did the young witch say to her mother?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What do you call money that grows on trees?

Marijuana

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

Soap Jokes More Soap Jokes

Where's the soap?

Yes, it does." she replies.

What happened to the boy-band member who dropped the soap In the prison shower?

Let's just say that his backstreet went more than One Direction.

English Jokes More English Jokes

Why do stoners love English?

Because it's lit

What is the longest word in the English language?

SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!