Carpet Jokes

Where does the Persian air force keep its aircraft?

The Carpet store

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What is a snowman's favorite kind of carpet?

BRRR BRRR

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What type of carpet do you put in an igloo?

Burr-burr

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.

What do Mexicans put under their carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What did the Mexican put under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

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What do you call a cute little animal you keep in your automobile?

A carpet.

What does Speedy Gonzalez keep under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What do Mexican's put under their carpet?

Underlay

What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see the floor show!

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?

Carpet!

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Mistress Jokes More Mistress Jokes

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

Std Jokes More Std Jokes

What do you call an STD that is contracted in your ear?

Hearing AIDS

What musical instrument do people with STDs play?

The herpsichord.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?

Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Because she can't fit into D shells

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What do The Walking Dead and Fast &amp Furious have in common?

Dead walkers

Why do baby ducks walk softly?

Because they can't walk, hardly.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What does a burning Mexican farm smell like?

Tacos. Overheard an old man telling another guy how he lost his farm in Mexico, and how the smell reminded him of tacos.

What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?

My ears are burning!

Vehicle Jokes More Vehicle Jokes

What vehicle does a baker drive?

A Winnebagel

What do you call a vehicle that has changed gender?

TRANSportation

Java Jokes More Java Jokes

What's the problem with Java jokes?

They have no.

What does it sound like when Java laughs?

Java -jar jar.jar

Underlay Jokes More Underlay Jokes

What do Mexicans put under their carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What did the Mexican put under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!