Carpet Jokes

Where does the Persian air force keep its aircraft?

The Carpet store

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What is a snowman's favorite kind of carpet?

BRRR BRRR

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What type of carpet do you put in an igloo?

Burr-burr

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.

What do Mexicans put under their carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What did the Mexican put under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

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What do you call a cute little animal you keep in your automobile?

A carpet.

What does Speedy Gonzalez keep under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What do Mexican's put under their carpet?

Underlay

What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see the floor show!

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?

Carpet!

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Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

Whats the different between falling from the 10th floor and falling from the 1st floor?

The sound you make 10th floor " AHHHHHHHHH " 1st floor " AHHHHHHHHHH "

What is loud and sounds like an apple?

AN APPLE!**

Igloo Jokes More Igloo Jokes

What do eskimos do when it gets cold?

They go into their igloos and sit around a candle. What do they do when it gets even colder They turn on the candle.

What do you call an Igloo without a toilet?

An Ig!

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did Hermoine say when she found out she's pregnant?

Fetus Abortus!

Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact?

Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.

Stain Jokes More Stain Jokes

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

How do I get out this stain?

Fire. How do you fix a car Fire. How do you break up with someone FIRE!

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why Does the Pope wear Boxers?

He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed.

How do you know that Santa is a man?

No woman wears the same attire every year.

Vehicle Jokes More Vehicle Jokes

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's Mitt Romney's favorite make of vehicle?

A Mack truck, because it already has a little dog on top.

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

Std Jokes More Std Jokes

What STD is found most commonly among lesbians?

Carpet burn

What's an STD's favorite kind of pizza?

Heperoni