Carpet Jokes

What is a snowman's favorite kind of carpet?

BRRR BRRR

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What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What type of carpet do you put in an igloo?

Burr-burr

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.

What did the Mexican put under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What do you call a cute little animal you keep in your automobile?

A carpet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What do Mexican's put under their carpet?

Underlay

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What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see the floor show!

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?

Carpet!

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What is your fee?

Lawyer says: "1000 US dollars for 3 questions." Man: "Wow - so much! Isn't it a bit expensive " Lawyer: "Yes, what is your third question "

How can a man go 7 days without sleeping?

Sleep at night

Spill Jokes More Spill Jokes

Why can you never trust a clumsy barista?

Because she's always spilling the beans!

What does the DJ do when he spills acid?

He drops the base!

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What did 'b' say to his friend 'e' after 'e' saved his life?

AY E! I O U edit: added Y

What did the depressed, illiterate pepperoni slice say when asked where he was with his life?

Well it pizza heck out of me.

Lesbian Jokes More Lesbian Jokes

What is said at the conclusion of a lesbian marriage ceremony?

You may fist the bride

What does a lesbian pirate say?

Scissor me timbers!

Alcohol Jokes More Alcohol Jokes

Where does he go next?

The hospital. Why does he go to the hospital For Alcohol poisoning

What's the best kind of alcohol for your liver?

Nonanol.

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?

A book has papers.

What do Mexicans use to slice pizza?

Little Caesers

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

Where are the best sounding farts listed?

Sharts.

How does a Plutonium Gun sounds like?

Pu! Pu! Pu!

Underlay Jokes More Underlay Jokes

What kind of flooring does a Mexican fit?

Underlay! Underlay!

What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues?

Underlay! Underlay!