Carpet Jokes

Where does the Persian air force keep its aircraft?

The Carpet store

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What is a snowman's favorite kind of carpet?

BRRR BRRR

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What type of carpet do you put in an igloo?

Burr-burr

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.

What do Mexicans put under their carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What did the Mexican put under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

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What do you call a cute little animal you keep in your automobile?

A carpet.

What does Speedy Gonzalez keep under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What do Mexican's put under their carpet?

Underlay

What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see the floor show!

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?

Carpet!

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

How many men does it take to fix a women's watch?

Why does she need a watch? There is a clock on the oven!

What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?

No hard feelings.

Spill Jokes More Spill Jokes

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

What did the spilled noodles say to the sauce pan?

I'm floored!

Carpet Bombing Jokes More Carpet Bombing Jokes

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

Pixar Jokes More Pixar Jokes

Where do Pixar employees go for Happy Hour?

CGI Friday's.

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Stain Jokes More Stain Jokes

What do you call a dog with a stain on his fur?

Spot. What do you call a dog who lays on a golf course Ruff. What do you call a dog who just got run over Rhody.

How do I get out this stain?

Fire. How do you fix a car Fire. How do you break up with someone FIRE!

Lesbian Jokes More Lesbian Jokes

How do lesbians keep things interesting in the bedroom?

They think outside the box.

What do you do when two lesbians make out in front of you in a bus?

You get off.

Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

What was Bernie Sander's favorite topic in mathematics?

Radicals. He loved finding the "root" of problems...

What does an inexperienced public speaker and a pizza place with high workers have in common?

They both have problems with delivery.