Evening Jokes

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!

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What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

A sphinxter.

What's the opposite of evening?

Unevening.

What happens to all the unsold Christmas trees?

A Total TreeCull. Basically, on the evening of December 25th, every Christmas tree salesperson does the trees

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster showed up for the ball?

You look quite put-together this evening.

What do elephants do in the evenings?

Watch elevision!

What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work in the evening?

Have a nice bite!

What has 4 legs in the morning, two at lunch, and three in the evening?

A cannibal

What would Caitlyn Jenner need to do if she changed her mind about being a woman?

She would need to reJennerate some balls. What does Caitlyn Jenner do before she goes out Bruce's up for the evening.

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

What has four limbs in the morning, two limbs in the afternoon, and is dead by evening?

A disobedient slave.

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Why does the house only have one window?

Cheeseburger (joke from my 3 year old neice this evening)

What's white in the morning, white in the afternoon and white in the evening?

An Irishman trying to get a tan.

What is the cat's favourite TV show?

The evening mews!

What do romantic fish sing to each other?

Salmon-chanted evening!

Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?

Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning!

What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

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What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

What am I supposed to take tomorrow?

Doctor: That was a 30 day supply. Me: Whoops.

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Why do feminists always seem so unhappy?

Because happy people usually leave cults.

Why isn't Edward leaving Russia?

Because he's snowed in.

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Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino?

He was caught counting carbs.

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

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Why can't America ever win a chess tournament?

Because they're missing two towers

What does Jerry Jones do after winning the Super Bowl?

Gives the X Box back to grandkids

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What walks on two legs, but can't move forward?

Americans who voted for Hillary

What's the biggest lie of the election?

Voting machines aren't hackable.

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What do you call a half elephant, half rhinoceros?

An abomination.

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?

Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.

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What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.

What did the pirate get on his report card?

Seven C's

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Which is more environment-friendly: Facebook or r/jokes?

Facebook produces too much plastics while r/jokes has 100% recycling rate.

How do you fit 100 dead babies in a barrel?

With a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw.