Pea Jokes

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

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What are peas attracted to?

Chickpeas

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

What's the most polite meal?

Peas and franks.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

For disturbing the peas!

Why did the green bean go to jail?

He was disturbing the peas.

What's a hippies favourite food?

Peas, man.

Why did the orange move to veggieland?

So he could live in peas and hominy.

How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?

Inflate it.

What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

What's an idealist vegetarian's favorite meal?

Peas and hominy

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What is dry on the outside filled with water and blows up buildings?

A fish tank!

What does a sandwich filling share in common with Joffrey Lannister?

They are both in bread.

Breakfast Jokes More Breakfast Jokes

What do you call a rapper who likes honey for breakfast?

Sugar Puff Daddy

What does a thesaurus have for breakfast?

Synonym rolls.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

Why did the knife quit?

It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! Skip

What do you call the science of knives?

Cutting edge technology.

Polar Bear Jokes More Polar Bear Jokes

What is the definition of a polar bear?

A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.

How much does a Polar Bear weigh?

Enough to lower your standards, I'm moonsoutgoonsout

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if an American has a conceal carry permit?

They'll tell you.

What's the difference between Cheryl Crawford and dead embryos?

Dead embryos don't tell on their mothers...

Chop Jokes More Chop Jokes

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs

Beef Jokes More Beef Jokes

Why is the beef in Colorado so good?

Because the steaks are high.

What's the one thing pacifism and Hinduism have in common?

Those who practice them don't want any beef with people.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Where do Chicago football fans buy engagement rings?

De Beers

Why do people buy expensive rims?

They're investing in wheel estate.