Pea Jokes

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

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What are peas attracted to?

Chickpeas

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

What's the most polite meal?

Peas and franks.

What did the pea say to the peanut?

At least you got one nut, I don't see what you're crying about.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

For disturbing the peas!

Why did the green bean go to jail?

He was disturbing the peas.

What's a hippies favourite food?

Peas, man.

Why did the orange move to veggieland?

So he could live in peas and hominy.

How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?

Inflate it.

What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

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What's an idealist vegetarian's favorite meal?

Peas and hominy

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Your spine.

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What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

Who's there! Bernadette! Bernadette who?

Bernadette ate all my dinner and now I'm starving!

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What do Mexican midgets use to cut pizza?

Little Caesars

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What do you call it when a cat stops?

A paws!

What's orange and white and stops at sunlight?

Gingers

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What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

What do you call the ghost of a chicken?

A poultry-geist.

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What is cosmetics?

Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

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What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

What does the ghost like on his roast beef?

Grave-y gravy