Police Officer Jokes

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?

An under cover cop.

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Which street does the police officer live in?

Let's be Avenue

What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?

Sir, you dropped your receipt!

How does a police officer go to the bathroom?

Ctrl+C

What did the cow say to the police officer, giving a speeding ticket?

Miav.

What did the police officer say to his stomach?

I've got you under a vest.

Why did the police officer smell?

Because he was on duty.

What's he like?

Asked the police officer sympathetically. The boy replied, "Beer and women."

What's a police officers favorite console?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy.

What percentage of police officers are strippers and what percentage of strippers are police officers?

I'm confused.

What did the police officer say to Tom Brady during a routine traffic stop?

Your tires are low.

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What did the police officer want from the criminal store?

Just ice.

What do you call a police officer standing on dog poop?

On duty

What did the police officer say to stop the depressed man from jumping off the bridge?

You have potential. Sorry if this is a repost, just thought of it now.

Why did the police officer arrest the pop machine?

It was selling coke.

What did the French fry say to the police officer?

Help me! I've been a-salted!

What did the police officer say to the man who was urinating publicly?

Urine trouble, mate!

What is the difference between God and a police officer?

God doesn't think he's a police officer.

How do you describe a hierarchy of police officers with only one word?

Police police police police police police police police police police police.

What video game system do police officers play in their cars?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

Why do police officers keep water in the automobile trunk?

Because they don't want the siren to die.

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What do you call a racist police officer?

A Police Officer

Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why did the boy take a ruler to bed with him?

To see how long he slept.

Why shouldn't you believe a person in bed?

Because he is lying.

Egg Jokes More Egg Jokes

How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs?

He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What brings you to speed dating?

Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Why are Americans so good at shooting?

They have the best schools for it.

What's the difference between a feminist and a gun?

Some people are against shooting guns.

Avenue Jokes More Avenue Jokes

Why are there so many avenues in Belgium?

Because German soldiers like to march in the shadow.

Why there are so many avenues in France?

Because German soldiers like to march in the shade

Street Jokes More Street Jokes

Why do I support extreme racist political parties?

Because their aims are white up my street

What's the difference between a sausage dog and a market trader?

One bawls his wares out on the street...

Good Vibration Jokes More Good Vibration Jokes

Why did the egg get a ticket from a lady police officer?

Because he was picking up good vibrations.

Stripper Jokes More Stripper Jokes

What do giants and strippers have in common?

They both grind on bones to make their bread.

What do you call a stripper with a cattle prod?

Electrifying entertainment.