Spread Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

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What do neckbeards like to spread on their toast?

Marma'lady

How do Egyptians warn each other about a spreading fire?

Pyroglyphs.

Why did the bed spread?

Because it saw the pillow slip.

Why do all the ladies love Jesus?

Spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.

What do you call mints you can spread through social media?

Memementos

What do you get when the Pillsbury dough boys bend over?

Dough-nuts (South Park reference again just spreading it).

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

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Shakespeare Jokes More Shakespeare Jokes

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How are women and rocks alike?

You skip across the flat ones.

What do women and hand grenades have in common?

When you pull the ring off, your house goes away

Std Jokes More Std Jokes

What did the doctor give the Asari with an STD?

Anti-biotics

Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs?

They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists

What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist?

A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.

Remain Jokes More Remain Jokes

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.

What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet?

Remains to be seen.

Sandwich Jokes More Sandwich Jokes

What does a astronaut put in a sandwich?

Space Jam

Why can't you starve in the desert?

Because of all the sandwiches there.

Parachute Jokes More Parachute Jokes

What do you call two line dancers doing the dance Shoot the Rooster?

A. A Pair of Shoot (parachute)

Who survived?

The pilot who jumped out with a parachute.

Cremate Jokes More Cremate Jokes

What did the cremated Buddha who was placed in a cardboard box say?

I'm in light urn.'

How do you want your mother-in-law buried or cremated?

Hmm No risk do both.