Universe Jokes

What does Gordon program in?

FLASH... AAAHHHHHHHH. Its the language of the universe...

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What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service.

Which place has the strongest gravity in the whole universe?

Bed

What's the most obvious slang word in the Star Wars universe?

Yo, duh.

How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two! one to change the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe!

Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?

Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold it in place, another to rotate the universe around it.

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

How do you know the universe likes Saturn?

It put a ring on it.

What's the smallest thing in the universe?

A pebble caught between the wrinkle of a flea's ball.

Why is the universe expanding?

It needs more space.

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What is the chance we are alone in the universe?

Professor: Astronomical.

Why does the universe expand?

All the Milky Ways. You get it.

How does the universe throw a party?

They planet.

Why did Steve Harvey announce Miss Colombia as the Miss Universe winner?

Because he couldn't pronounce Miss Philippines.

Why is the Force like duct tape?

It has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.

Where did the universe attend college?

At the university.

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Join Jokes More Join Jokes

What do you get when Italians join ISIS?

Baked Yazidi

What branch of the military did the hipster join?

The Salvation Army.

Dc Jokes More Dc Jokes

What do the Washington Metro system and the Little Mermaid have in common?

They're both under DC.

Why did Aquaman join the DC universe instead of Marvel?

Because he was hydra-phobic.

University Jokes More University Jokes

What do you say to someone who studied media at university?

Can I have fries with that please?

Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree. My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

Gordon Jokes More Gordon Jokes

Why didn't Gordon Ramsay like the Girl Scout cream pies?

He found a hair in one.

What does Gordon program in?

FLASH... AAAHHHHHHHH. Its the language of the universe...

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Who's there! Courtney Pine! Courtney Pine who?

Courtney Pine tables I need a new one!

What would happen if all Chinese people jumped off a chair, all at the same time?

I don't know either, but you would need a reeeally big chair!

Program Jokes More Program Jokes

What is the program for pranking insane people called?

Pantaloon

What program do Jedi use to PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

Stadium Jokes More Stadium Jokes

How are the Buffalo Bills like Billy Graham?

Both of them fill a stadium with 60,000 people shouting " "

Why was it so hot in the stadium after the game?

Because all the fans left

Marvel Jokes More Marvel Jokes

Why did Aquaman join the DC universe instead of Marvel?

Because he was hydra-phobic.

Why is a bad government like a bikini?

Because people marvel at what's holding it up. And they wish it would fall.