Wizard Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

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How often to wizard journalists get paid?

They make a Daily Prophet.

What do you call a make-believe country for wizards?

A magi nation

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks?

Because they were neckromancers

Why couldn't the wizard get the witch pregnant?

He had a hollow-weenie

What do you call a wizard that puts people to sleep?

Dumblebore

What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?

The police made him bring it back again.

What do you call a wizard holding a teacup?

A saucer-er!

Where do witches and wizards shop?

Voldemart.

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Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body?

Dumbbelldor.

Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?

He was going as a banana.

Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck?

Because he was a neck-romancer....

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?

You-knew-who

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends what you want it to change into...

What do you call a wizard with a good outlook on life?

An Opti-Mystic.

How does a wizard keep his potions safe from burglary?

With a warlock.

When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?

I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.

What is yellow and goes click-click?

A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:

Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?

To prevent bat breath!

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Oz Jokes More Oz Jokes

What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?

The Lizard of Oz!

Why is Bill Cosby like the The Wizard of Oz?

Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs

Command Jokes More Command Jokes

What is the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?

Ironman is a superhero, Ironwoman is a command.

What's the difference between Iron Man And Iron Woman?

Iron Man is a superhero, Iron Woman is a command.

Neck Jokes More Neck Jokes

What did the tie say to the neck?

I think I'll just hang around.

What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement?

Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part

20 Jokes More 20 Jokes

What is H20 Made out of?

20 hydrogen atoms.

How many Dragonball characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes him 20 episodes.

Cast Jokes More Cast Jokes

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

Why couldn't Barbie get pregnant?

Because they cast Amy Schumer and Ken couldn't get the job done.

I.T. Jokes More I.T. Jokes

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

How many I.T. guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. That's a hardware problem but have you tried turning it on and off again

Witch Jokes More Witch Jokes

What goes cackle cackle boom?

A witch in a minefield.

What do you call a witch that goes to the beach?

Sandwich(sandwitch) -my nephew

Journalist Jokes More Journalist Jokes

How do you make a journalist laugh?

By giving them ar-ticles!

How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?

We just report the facts we don't change them.