Ape Jokes

What do you call an Ape cooking a BBQ?

A Gorilla

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What did one ape say to the the other ape?

What did one ape say to the other ape.

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

What did the first ape that could walk say to all the other apes?

I'm walkin' here!

What separates the men from the apes?

The Mediterranean Sea.

Why do Apes like tall buildings?

They want to climb the heights of the business world!

Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings?

The elevator men are on strike!

Which author do the Gorillas love most?

Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

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What happened when the Ape won the door prize?

He didn't take it - he already had a door!

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why do primates do so well in show biz?

Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!

Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighbourhoods?

They like any jungle - even a blackboard jungle!

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm?

They'll both bite at anything!

What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl?

I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me!

Why did the Ape jump off the building?

He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!

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Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

What do you call Charlie Sheen's brother if he were a financial advisor?

Emilio Investevez. Fun game/running joke friends in college used to play. Wondering if Reddit would enjoy the game too.

What do call someone who takes care of reindeer and really enjoys it?

A Jolly Rancher.

Explode Jokes More Explode Jokes

What do you call an exploding box?

Your new Note 7 package

What's the deal?

Jerry says. The Best Buy explodes

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What do women and linoleum have in common?

If you lay them just right you can walk on them for years.

What did Virginia get when she walked into the pet shop?

State joke) A New Hampshire

Banana Split Jokes More Banana Split Jokes

What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes?

A banana split!

Where do you learn to make banana splits?

At sundae school.

Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

How many James Pattersons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but he'll just hire a ghostwriter to do it for him.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Native American with phosphorylation?

ATP

Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri?

To show the opossum it could be done.

Germany Jokes More Germany Jokes

What do they call pastors in Germany?

A. German Shepherds.

Why did France really surrender to Germany?

Just thought of this earlier in the shower... Had gas ever since.

World War Jokes More World War Jokes

Why would Gabe Newell be a good president?

Because then World War 3 would never happen

How do you say "whoops" in German?

World War 2