Blind Man Jokes

How do you spot the blind man at a nudist beach?

Well..it's not hard

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What is the worst thing anyone can do to a blind man?

Leave a plunger in the toilet!

What's a blind mans worst fear?

A prius

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market?

Is this a tumblr meetup?

What has one eye but can't see?

A blind man...

Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?

He was taking a look around

What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish market?

Good morning ladies.

Why did the blind man use chopsticks?

Because he couldn't see the point in forks.

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What did the blind man say when he walked into the fish market?

Good morniiiiiiing ladies!

How do you surprise a blind man?

Stick a plunger in the toilet

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What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish store?

Hello, ladies

What did the blind man say when he sipped a frozen drink and was cured?

Icee.

What's a blind mans favorite car?

A cataract

How does the blind man know when to stop wiping his arse?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

Why did the blind man cross the road?

Cuz he couldn't see it (Probly already posted but I've never seen it on r/jokes before)

How did a blind man drive his car?

One hand on the wheel the other on the road.

What did Jesus say after he healed the blind man?

Made you look!

What's the worst thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet

What did the blind man say to his old friend?

Ayy, long time no see!

What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?

One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.

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What did the blind man say to his estranged friend?

Long time, no see.

How many books can a blind man read?

Brailly any!

How did a blind man meet his wife?

On a blind date!

What did the blind man say to the blind man?

Long time no see.

What did the blind man say when he arrived at the fish market?

Hello, ladies.

What did the blind man say when he was asked what he thought about the renovation plan of his house?

I don't know.. I just don't see it.

What is the worse thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet!

What's a blind man doing on a boat?

Waiting for a bus.

What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market?

Good morning, ladies!

How many blind men would it take to change a light bulb?

Why would a blind man need a light bulb?

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Chopstick Jokes More Chopstick Jokes

What's a Drummer's favorite food?

Anything that requires chopsticks. Ba-Dum-Tss

What is another name for a knife?

A chopstick!

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What's the Russian President's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz!" I'll be here all week guys.

What do you call some who is afraid of Santa?

Clausetrophobic. I'm here all week.

Good Morning Jokes More Good Morning Jokes

What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish market?

Good morning ladies.

What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market?

Good morning, ladies!

House Jokes More House Jokes

Who's there! Bing! Bing who?

Bing down the house!

How did I get here?

I'm sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house...taking a shower.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?

Second gear.

What about the aliens from space?

We need a ROOF!

Blind Date Jokes More Blind Date Jokes

How did your blind date go?

Bit of a disaster really, our guide Dogs started Fighting

How did a blind man meet his wife?

On a blind date!

Fish Market Jokes More Fish Market Jokes

What did the blindman say when he walked by the fish market?

Helllllllloooooo (insert your mother's/wife's/sister's/grandmother's name here.)

What did the blind man say when he walked into the fish market?

Good morniiiiiiing ladies!

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How did the sad clown smile and laugh again?

They told him his wife died recently.

Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.