Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

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What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

What did the cannibal wipe with...... after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break?

So it won't get too Messi.

What's the difference between an Armenian and a Gorilla?

Just one hair.

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What do books have that Mexicans don't?

Papers.

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame

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What do churches and guns have in common?

They both go PEW PEW PEW

What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer?

Mainly SMALL ARMS.

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What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Arab riding a bicycle down Collins Avenue in Miami Beach.

Why are hipsters the oldest known form of life?

They were on the Earth before it was cool.

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What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?

For swine flu you need "Oinkment", for bird flu you need "Tweetment".

How many things do you need to change a lightbulb?

3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?

Forty feet of track - all straight!

What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours?

Skip to the next track

Story Jokes More Story Jokes

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

What type of stories do cocaine addicts write?

Snort stories

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What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it?

DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME

Where would you find Percy Miller's toothbrush?

In his Master P room.