Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

Who holds up stagecoaches and steals laptop computers?

Click Turpin

What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

Sean Connery Jokes More Sean Connery Jokes

What's Sean Connery's favorite sport and when does he play it?

Tennish

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

Shomething'sh Amish...

City Jokes More City Jokes

What does Godzilla do part time when he's not destroying cities?

He flips houses

What city has the biggest amount of mistakes per capita?

Uppsala

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

How do you crack a joke on r/Jokes?

Ctrl+v.

How do you call a joke that is not funny?

Lame.

Ban Jokes More Ban Jokes

Why was the dog banned from the redwood forest?

He was barking up the wrong tree.

What would Jesus actually do?

Probably ban nail guns

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

The second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

What did the American vet did when he came to back from Vietnam?

The guns wasn't in the horse fixing resume!

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What does the aardvark call his dog?

Aard-bark!

How do you make a dog go meow?

Freeze it and run it through a bandsaw. MEEEOWW!!