Tree Jokes

When does a tree want less?

When it's sycamore.

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What does the tree says in autumn?

Leaf me alone.

What type of tree hates company?

Sycamore trees!

What did the chopped wood say to the tree?

Run!

How do the trees get on the internet?

They log on.

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you.

What did the dog say to the two trees?

Bark bark.

Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?

They're really good at it.

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree!

Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.

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Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?

Dunno, they're just a bit shady.

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Dead Baby Jokes More Dead Baby Jokes

What is the difference between sack of dead babys and Ferrari?

I don't have Ferrari in my garage.

What do you call a dead baby with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

Leaf Jokes More Leaf Jokes

How do you depress a room full of geeks?

Hold the door! I'm a leaf on the wind!

What did one plant say to the other plant that was annoying him?

Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble.

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?

I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.

Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3?

Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

Elephant Jokes More Elephant Jokes

Why do ducks have flat feet?

So they can stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? So they can stamp out flaming ducks.

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!

Evening Jokes More Evening Jokes

What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

A sphinxter.

What do romantic fish sing to each other?

Salmon-chanted evening!

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon at?

Tennish.

What happened to the ghost who went to a party?

He had a wail of a time.

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

Why did Carrie Fisher enjoy doing her one-woman show?

Because she nailed that Solo.

Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?

Because the date wasn't nailed down.

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What does a National Geographic magazine or a JC Penney catalog have in common?

Sorry, the punchline is the joke. If you don't get it, ask your dad.

What did the dad say when his daughter gave him gravel for his birthday?

Thanks for sediments