Australia Jokes

How do you write poop in Australia?

Dood

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What's the difference between Britain and Australia?

When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.

What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt?

Culture

What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia?

Aussie Aus-born.

What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia?

Austronomers

What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power?

Cut funding for wind power in Australia

Which phone is most sold in Australia?

The htc M8. Oi mate

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )

What's upside down and downside up at the same time?

A kid with cerebral palsy living in Australia

Why can't bears get jobs in Australia?

They don't have the right koalfications!

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and an elephant?

Big holes all over Australia!

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Which I replied, "Wanna know whats also the size of Australia?

Australia.

Who is the most famous DJ in Australia?

DJ Redo

What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?

A dingo-ling!

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Why was Jesus not born in Australia?

Because God could not find three wise men and a virgin.

Which country's currency weighs as much as it's worth?

Australia. Because five $0.20 coins are about half a pound.

Why did Jesus not go to Australia?

He couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Why is chess confusing in Australia?

That's check, mate.

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Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

Why does hiring a ship illegally always cost $3.14?

Because theyre pi rates.

Import Jokes More Import Jokes

Why you never mess with imported ants?

Because they are **important**.

Why don't you remove those barriers to imports?

It will ease my inflation and the benefits will trickle down.

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

What does a grizzly wear under his fur?

Under-bear.

What do you call a bear that can't win?

A Chicago Bear

Poop Jokes More Poop Jokes

What do you call a poop that went to med school?

Dookie Howser

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

What kind of dog can tell time?

A clockshund!

Size Jokes More Size Jokes

What do you call a military base that has quadrupled in size?

Four-tified

What do you call somebody who is content being average sized?

A happy medium.

Mate Jokes More Mate Jokes

What do you call seagulls during mating season?

Relationshipgulls

What does a cow call his mate?

Oxfam.

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

What would your parents say if I called them?

I replied, "Hello "

How many women have you slept with wife asked husband, "How many women have you slept with?

He proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."