Australia Jokes

How do you write poop in Australia?

Dood

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What's the difference between Britain and Australia?

When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.

What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt?

Culture

What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia?

Aussie Aus-born.

What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia?

Austronomers

What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power?

Cut funding for wind power in Australia

Which phone is most sold in Australia?

The htc M8. Oi mate

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )

What's upside down and downside up at the same time?

A kid with cerebral palsy living in Australia

Why can't bears get jobs in Australia?

They don't have the right koalfications!

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and an elephant?

Big holes all over Australia!

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Which I replied, "Wanna know whats also the size of Australia?

Australia.

Who is the most famous DJ in Australia?

DJ Redo

What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?

A dingo-ling!

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Why was Jesus not born in Australia?

Because God could not find three wise men and a virgin.

Which country's currency weighs as much as it's worth?

Australia. Because five $0.20 coins are about half a pound.

Why did Jesus not go to Australia?

He couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Why is chess confusing in Australia?

That's check, mate.

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What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

What was one thing Nicholas the 2nd of Russia not good at?

Czarcasm.

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When is it time for bed at the Neverland Ranch?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year?

About tennish.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why did the Chili Pepper cross the road?

To get to the Otherside!

Why did the germ cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide!

Britain Jokes More Britain Jokes

What is Britain's most popular newspaper amongst breastfeeding mothers?

The Daily Express.

Why did all of Britain stop smoking pot?

Because they all joined

Yogurt Jokes More Yogurt Jokes

What do you get when you take a needle to a balloon filled with yogurt?

Pop culture

What did the microbiologist bring to the art fair?

A cup of yogurt.

Size Jokes More Size Jokes

What's the difference between a waiter and a waitress?

The size of the tip.

What do you call a military base that has quadrupled in size?

Four-tified

Funding Jokes More Funding Jokes

What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power?

Cut funding for wind power in Australia

What do you call a gore thriller that can't get enough funding?

A film that needs morbids.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Where does Crazy Horse live?

In an unstable.

What do you call the horse that lives next door?

Your NEIGHHHbor Credit: 6y/o nephew