Poop Jokes

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What did one poop say to the other poop?

You smell

Why do bears poop in the woods?

So nobody will see their bare (bear) bottom!

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

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What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?

Don't poop where you scoop.

Why couldn't the poop get flushed down the drain?

Because it was deterred.

What did Captain Picard call his poop?

Captain's log

What does a witch take when she can't poop?

Hexlax

What did Noah do with all the poop?

Threw it overboard. it formed the UK. Taken from here:

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

How bad is it to poop your pants?

It Depends

What do you give and take at the same time?

A poop

What's the difference between a bucket of poop and a lawyer?

A bucket.

Where were you supposed to poop?

2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn't you 2: I'm too busy.

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?

Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.

How do you fail a urine test with a clean sample?

Poop in the specimen cup.

What is a small, one story home made of poop called?

A dungalow

What do you call it when your Stepmother poops?

A Step-Stool

What's brown and rhymes with poop?

Snoop Dogg

What is it called when a hacker poops?

Logging out

What does Hulk say when he poops?

IBM!

What's the first rule here, boys?

Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.

When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?

People without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids

What do you call a sarcastic man who steps in poop?

Feces-tious

What do you call a poop that went to med school?

Dookie Howser

What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car?

CELINE WUT R U DION

What if I have to poop?

D: Then you should go now. *awkward pause* "Thanks I feel better."

What does poop have in common with the Boston Rioters?

They're both revolting! *Baltimore. I clearly don't know my B-Cities.

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

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What do the Golden State Warriors do when they're not playing basketball?

They watch moving picktures.

What do pencils, poop and Golden State Warriors have in common?

They are all #2s.

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How did Pedro fix his car?

With Espana.

How do you fix a monkey?

With a Monkey Wrench!

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Where'd ya get it?

The parrot says, "Africa." (I don't know if you know this one, but I just heard it today)

Why do I always sit in the back of an airplane?

Cos iv never heard of an airplane reverse into a mountain... ill help myself out...

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When Arwen and Aragorn got married... was Frodo designated to be the Ring bearer?

Edit Thanks KikifounUnui... not my main language TT

What do you see when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat miner. EDIT: spelling

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What did the English teacher write when she needed to borrow money?

An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one

Why Cant Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, Marc, with a C. Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the Chili Pepper cross the road?

To get to the Otherside!

Why did the one-armed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

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How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?

He farts.

How's a fart and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

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What do straight guys and lesbians have in common?

They both like girls

What do Saudi guys and girls have in common?

They all get stoned constantly.