Mate Jokes

What do you call seagulls during mating season?

Relationshipgulls

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Why was the chess player pregnant?

Because they were mated.

What's the mating call of a sorority girl?

O My GOd! I am so drunk.

What mammal dies after it mates?

Anyone that goes near my wife!

Which phone is most sold in Australia?

The htc M8. Oi mate

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

ARGHH! You're driving me nuts!

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?

Because he's married.

Why do owls not mate when it's raining?

Toowet Towoo

How the hell did you get a body like that?

He asked. "Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering." He said, "Not really mate."

Why can't Australians play chess?

They keep saying check, mate.

Who did the pirate lose his virginity to?

His first mate.

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Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

Who did the sea captain lose his virginity to?

His first mate

Why didn't the rabbit want to mate outside?

Because it was Frigid

Why couldn't the t-rex find a mate?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction.

What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student?

I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!

What do you get when you mate an elephant with a poodle?

A poodle split in half.

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish?

OC I think I'm feeling C6

Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie?

To-mate-toes!

Why do the /r/jokes moderators like chess?

It's the only chance they have to mate.

What does a cow call his mate?

Oxfam.

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Sorry Mate Jokes More Sorry Mate Jokes

What do you say when your opponent resigns after you take their queen?

Sorry mate.

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

Monkey Jokes More Monkey Jokes

How'd the monkey fall out of the tree. He was dead. How'd the next second monkey fall out of the tree?

He was stapled to the first monkey! How'd the Third monkey fall out of the tree. Peer Pressure.

What do you call a monk that operates a door unlocking service?

A monkey. (p.s. I have a wonderful, terrible love for bad jokes)

Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

Why do hens lay eggs?

If they dropped them they'd break

What do you get when......you cross a religious skeptic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac?

A person who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

What did grandpa say before he kicked the bucket?

How far do you think i can kick this bucket Also, Why did the chicken cross the road He was in the bucket(/spoiler)

Why did the gamer cross the road?

Buy the DLC to find out

Flat Mate Jokes More Flat Mate Jokes

Why Did The Hedgehog Cross The Road?

Because he wanted to see his flat mate.

What do you get if King Kong sits on your best friend?

A flat mate.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How do you show your appreciation towards black holes?

Thanks for nothing!

Wheres the dinosaur bone exhibit?

Through that door" Thank you very ruff! "What'd you say " *2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*

Lover Jokes More Lover Jokes

How do conspiracy theorists like their lovers?

Illumi-naughty

Who's there! Bully! Bully who?

Bully Jean is not my lover!

Room Mate Jokes More Room Mate Jokes

What did the suicidal college student say to his room mate?

Dont leave me hangin' bro

What do Hillary supporters call their room mate?

Nurse.