Porpoise Jokes

He had a ruff week.. His life wasn't purrfect. His brother was a shellout. His mother's been a real crab lately. His family was really shellfish. He had no porpoise in life.

What did the nihilistic sea world trainer say to his boss?

There is no porpoise.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career?

She had no sense of porpoise.

What do Plains Native Americans have in common with moderately sized sea dwelling mammals?

For all in tents and porpoises, they're constantly moving.

Why did the marine biologist jump off a bridge?

He lost his porpoise in life.

What did the depressed dolphin say?

I need a porpoise.

What's the big deal?

It's not like I did it on porpoise!

Why was the dolphin keeper depressed?

Because he had no porpoise.

What did the dolphin king say at the funeral of his faithful servant?

You have served your porpoise.

How do Dolphins live their lives?

With a porpoise.

What did the dolphin say to the other dolphin after he splashed him?

Hey! You did that on porpoise!

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

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What did the body builder say when he ran out of protein powder mix?

No whey.

What is the worst about having alzheimer's and dierrhea?

You're running but don't know where to.

Mission Jokes More Mission Jokes

What does a tweaker and a Jehovah's Witness have in common?

Both ride bicycles and are on a mission.

What do mormons and tweakers have in common?

They both ride bikes and are on a mission.

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How do you tell a domesticated cat from a wild one?

The domesticated doesnt have balls

What do you get if you cross Snoop Dogg with a hippo?

A smokesalottapotamus.

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Why was the lion alone and disheartened?

He lost his pride in a bet

What did the balding German frau exclaim when her husband left her?

Ach! I tink I'm losing mein Herr!

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Why do men with prostate issues have issues stealing video game systems?

Because they have trouble taking a Wii.

How do you tell a racist joke without getting in trouble?

Write it down.

Aquarium Jokes More Aquarium Jokes

What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium?

An aard-shark!

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

Bartender Jokes More Bartender Jokes

What in the world is this?

The bartender says, "Central Park."

What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender?

No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. end metajoke

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What do you tell a woman who wants a larger outlook on life?

Tell her to stand next to the kitchen window

What am I doing with the rest of my life?

I don't even know what I'm doing with the rest of this tweet...