United States Jokes

What President of the United States smells the worst?

The-Odor-e Roosevelt.

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Who get saved?

The United States of America

What's the difference between the United States and some yoghurt?

After 200 years, the Yoghurt develops a culture.

What's the United States favorite brand of shortening?

San Fran Crisco

Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?

Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?

That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community.

Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States?

So there won't be a World War III.

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

What town in the continental United States produces the most alligator pears per year?

Avo, CA does.

Why doesn't the United States have to worry about a North Korean nuclear missile attack?

We have the Iron Giant

Who served as the 45th Vice President of the United States?

Warning: Gore

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What did the hipster epidemiologist say to United States citizens at a press conference?

You probably won't get it.

Why is the United States always in political disarray?

It's a nation without a litre.

What do Ohio and Mackerels have in common?

Nothing! Ohio is the only state in the United States that's name shares no letters with the word mackerel.

What is similar between Spain, Ireland, and the United States?

Their economies falter after a popping of a housing bubble.

Why are there no knock knock jokes about the United States?

Because in America, freedom rings.

Who was the 45th Vice President of the United States?

Warning: Gore

Why isn't there any knock knock jokes about the United States?

Because freedom doesn't knock. It rings.

Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States?

He was Snowden.

How much money does the Treasurer of the United States make?

All of it.

How long does a United States Congressman serve?

Until he gets caught.

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Why is there a 100,000 oil limit in World of Warcraft Garrisons?

Because anything more than that might cause an invasion by the United States of America!

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Letter Jokes More Letter Jokes

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang mail.

Which letter has the best bum?

Big Rs

Bathroom Jokes More Bathroom Jokes

What does a networking robot say when returning from the bathroom?

Sorry, I http

How can you tell Voldemort used the bathroom before you?

He leaves a dark mark

Yogurt Jokes More Yogurt Jokes

What's the difference between the US and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

Whats the difference between America and Yogurt?

If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.

Community Jokes More Community Jokes

What do you call an Optomitrist who is very highly thought of in his community?

Respectacle

What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?

That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community.

President Jokes More President Jokes

What does it take to be a president?

Nothing

How did the puppeteer meet the President?

He pulled some strings.

Elect Jokes More Elect Jokes

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

How do you know when a joke has gone too far?

It's elected President.

Shorten Jokes More Shorten Jokes

What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?

A-hem!

How can you shorten a bed?

Don't sleep long in it.

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

Why isn't Mexico in the Summer Olympics?

Everyone who can run, jump, and swim are already over here.

What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!