Answer Jokes

Where's England, Jon?

He proudly answers: - Page 83.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?

Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"

What is the best part of the camp?

One wise guy answered 'Going home!'

Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?

He said, "do we now "

What's six feet tall, black and screaming?

Stevie Wonder, answering the Iron.

How long does a United States Congressman serve?

Until he gets caught.

How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry?

Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok

Why couldn't the tree answer the trivia question?

It was stumped.

What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?

I was asked on an internet forum. "Because you're not allowed to take them on planes," I answered.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?

Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

His answer: "My mom."

How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?

You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.

What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?

If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".

Why has Venus been so distant lately?

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

Why should you never hit people with violins?

Because violins is not the answer...

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?

Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

It was stumped.

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

What did the blond girl say when she saw the car?

That's the lost one right there.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What are the level differences between nannies?

The A level nannies suggest leafy vegetables... But the B nannies force kale.

What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?

An octopus " "No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"

How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

What sort of answer did you have in mind None-just assume it's changed.

How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!

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Black Guy Jokes More Black Guy Jokes

What did one black guy say to another black guy?

We're both black guys.

Why did the black guy cross the road?

He heard there was chicken on the other side!

Occupy Jokes More Occupy Jokes

Why did the soldier salute the occupied restroom?

There was a loo tenant inside.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did one plant say to the other plant that was annoying him?

Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble.

What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke?

You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What element can you find in almost any shoe store?

Heelium!

Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

No matches founds

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why can't a nihilist use a pencil?

Because they cant find the point.

What do snakes use to build clocks?

Metal Gears

Comment Jokes More Comment Jokes

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund. credit to (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

How many people does it take to tell a joke on reddit?

Two. One to post the joke and one to post a better punchline in the comments.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it.

When you tell Optimus Prime a joke, what do you hear?

Vehicular man's laughter

Tarzan Jokes More Tarzan Jokes

What were Tarzan's last words?

WHO GREASED THE VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEEE.

How did Tarzan get his cry?

As he was about to swing to the next tree he said, "OK, Cheeta, hang on anywhere".