Chuck Norris Jokes

How does Chuck Norris go fishing?

You, you and you. Get out.

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Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

How did Chuck Norris solve the dwindling oil reserves problem?

Ctrl - C, Ctrl - V

How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, no light bulb dare go out in the presence of Chuck Norris.

What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them?

The Islands

How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?

He has claw marks on his forehead.

What is your secret weapon against terrorists?

We simply reply......Chuck Norris

How much wood can Chuck Norris if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?

Chuck Norris would just stare at the wood, and it would chuck itself out of fear.

Why does Mona Lisa smiling?

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

All of it.

How much wood......could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?

All of it.*

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Why do all Pirates wear eye patches?

Chuck Norris.

What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?

Pork Chop!

What is the irrational fear of Chuck Norris otherwise known as?

A completely rational fear.

Why are there no Chuck Norris knock-knock jokes?

Because Chuck only has to hit the door ONCE.

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

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What town should a "mountain oyster" festival be held in?

Oxnard, CA

Who me?

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What does John Cena wash his hair with?

Champ who

What do you call John Cena in camouflage?

Redundant

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How many nuns can a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

Nun.

What's up, Chuck?

Not much, but my name's not Chuck" *vomits*

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What happened to the little frog who sat on the telephone?

He grew up to be a bellhop!

What do you get if you cross a telephone and a marriage bureau?

A wedding ring!

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What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight?

Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out...

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What did fish on the kitchen bench say to the other fish?

Long time no sea.

Why do elephants jump across rivers?

So they won't step on the fish.

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What is a video game characters favorite method of brawling?

Hitboxing!

What's Spider-Mans favorite online music app?

Spotafly.