Chuck Norris Jokes

How does Chuck Norris go fishing?

You, you and you. Get out.

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Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

How did Chuck Norris solve the dwindling oil reserves problem?

Ctrl - C, Ctrl - V

Why is Chuck Norris still alive?

Credit: Saw the comment in this 1:55

How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, no light bulb dare go out in the presence of Chuck Norris.

What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them?

The Islands

How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?

He has claw marks on his forehead.

What is your secret weapon against terrorists?

We simply reply......Chuck Norris

How much wood can Chuck Norris if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?

Chuck Norris would just stare at the wood, and it would chuck itself out of fear.

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Why does Mona Lisa smiling?

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

How much Norris?

Tongue twister) How much Norris could Chuck Norris chuck, if Chuck Norris could Chuck Norris

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

All of it.

How much wood......could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?

All of it.*

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Why do all Pirates wear eye patches?

Chuck Norris.

What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?

Pork Chop!

What is the irrational fear of Chuck Norris otherwise known as?

A completely rational fear.

Why are there no Chuck Norris knock-knock jokes?

Because Chuck only has to hit the door ONCE.

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

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How do you pick up women in Waco, Texas?

With a DustBuster.

What's a Tennessee tornado and a Texas divorce have in common?

Someone's gonna lose a trailer.

Solve Jokes More Solve Jokes

How did Chuck Norris solve the dwindling oil reserves problem?

Ctrl - C, Ctrl - V

What did Fred from 'Scooby Doo' say when Mystery Inc. finally found a mystery that was too scary for them to solve?

2scooby4doo

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

What do you get when an epileptic person fights an iceberg with a sword?

Seizure Salad

Why did the vengeful fireman lose his job?

He tried fighting fire with fire.

Depend Jokes More Depend Jokes

What does it taste like when you go down... What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady?

Depends...

Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom?

Depends.

Roundhouse Jokes More Roundhouse Jokes

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

Destruction Jokes More Destruction Jokes

How many men escaped the destruction of Sodom?

A Lot.

Alexander Graham Bell Jokes More Alexander Graham Bell Jokes

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a Nobel Prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

Telephone Jokes More Telephone Jokes

What fish sounds like a telephone?

Herring herring...herring herring...herring herring.

What do you get if you cross a telephone with an iron?

A smooth operator!