Santa Jokes

Who sings "Love me tender" and makes Christmas toys?

Santa's little Elvis.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What would santa be if he was a farmer?

A jolly rancher.

What do you call Santa without toys?

A lost Clause

How did the urologist ruin his Christmas?

OC He looked inside Santa's sack.

Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking?

Because it's on the house.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues. Credit: Curious: The Tourist's Guide

What does Santa call the elf police?

The Po Po Po.

What's the most messed up trap for Santa?

A Nicolas Cage.

What was Santa's Christmas-present for the kid with no hands?

New gloves for the cold days

What's red and goes "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?

Santa walking backwards.

What do you call children who are afraid of Santa?

They are Clausaphobic

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What is another name for Santa's elves?

Subordinate Clauses! Merry Christmas everyone.

Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?

Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.

What did the horse say to Santa?

Nothing, horses can not speak.

What drink does Santa give to naughty children?

Coala

Why did Santa divorce Mrs Clause?

Because he only came once a year

What do you call Santa's wife?

Mrs Claus.

Whats the point of calling it "secret Santa"?

Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.

What do you want for Christmas?

Me: a dragon! Santa: noo, be realistic Me: a girlfriend Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend

What's Santas favorite band?

Sleigher.

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas?

They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

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Odd Jokes More Odd Jokes

Why do all The Hunger Games fans can't even?

The odds are ever in their favours.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Blame Jokes More Blame Jokes

Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

A hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do people call Miley Cyrus in Europe?

Kilometery Cyrus

How do you say goodbye to two people in Spanish?

Adidos!

Honest Lawyer Jokes More Honest Lawyer Jokes

Whats the odd one out?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

What do you call an honest lawyer?

An oxymoron.

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

Why are u home so early?

Hubby: "My boss said go to hell!"

What do you call a nerd after highschool?

Boss

Reindeer Jokes More Reindeer Jokes

What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky?

Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.

What reindeer can jump higher than a house?

They all can! Houses can't jump!

Naughty Girl Jokes More Naughty Girl Jokes

Why is Santa always happy?

Because he knows where the naughty girls live. (a kid told me this one)

Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live.

Santa Claus Jokes More Santa Claus Jokes

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.