Santa Claus Jokes

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

Whats the odd one out?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

What does Santa Claus call his more thuggish elves?

Gangsta wrappers!

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks.

What is Santa Claus' favorite metal band?

Sleigher

What's red and white and red, red and white and red and white?

Santa Claus rolling down a roof!

Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

He knows where all the bad girls live

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What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby?

You can feel his presents...

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

How does Santa Claus take pictures?

With his North Pole-aroid.

What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.

What does the bee Santa Claus say?

Ho hum hum!

What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops at 3 ho's

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am?

It's your dad.

Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live.

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What type of wind is named after Santa Claus's warm climate cousin?

Santa Ana

What goes red and white, red and white, red and white?

Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

What do you ask from Santa Claus this year?

Oh, just 50 dollars, like always.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

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Claustrophobic Jokes More Claustrophobic Jokes

What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?

Claustrophobic

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What is the difference between pink and purple?

About forty years.

How many graduate students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes nine years.

Tiger Woods Jokes More Tiger Woods Jokes

Why does Tiger Woods bring an extra pair of socks while golfing?

In case he gets a hole in one.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa knows to stop after three Ho's.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why is ok to leave the lid off a basket of socialist crabs?

Because whenever one of them climbs to the top, the others drag it back down.

Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail?

Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies.

Odd Jokes More Odd Jokes

What are the odds of a chronic gambler ever calling the addiction-helpline?

No seriously, I've got $100 riding on this.

What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars?

Astronomical

Honest Lawyer Jokes More Honest Lawyer Jokes

Whats the odd one out?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

What do you call an honest lawyer?

An oxymoron.

Santa Stop Jokes More Santa Stop Jokes

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.

What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops after 3 Ho's

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What did the English man say when he walked in on his wife making love to three men?

Ello, 'ello, 'ello!