Santa Claus Jokes

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic

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What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

Whats the odd one out?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

What does Santa Claus call his more thuggish elves?

Gangsta wrappers!

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks.

What is Santa Claus' favorite metal band?

Sleigher

What's red and white and red, red and white and red and white?

Santa Claus rolling down a roof!

Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

He knows where all the bad girls live

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What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby?

You can feel his presents...

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

How does Santa Claus take pictures?

With his North Pole-aroid.

What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.

What does the bee Santa Claus say?

Ho hum hum!

What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops at 3 ho's

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am?

It's your dad.

Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live.

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What type of wind is named after Santa Claus's warm climate cousin?

Santa Ana

What goes red and white, red and white, red and white?

Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

What do you ask from Santa Claus this year?

Oh, just 50 dollars, like always.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

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Why do milking stools only have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder

What has 3 tails 4 trunks and 6 feet?

An elephant with spare parts!el

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What is the color of the wind?

A. Blew.

What do you think of this, you spin really fast and I'll fly a kite from the wind you make?

I'm not a big fan.

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What type of plant can you use to make phone calls?

A telefern

What types of jokes grow on you?

They ones that go viral. I'll see my self out.

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What do you rate Megan Fox out of 10?

Friend: 9 Me: 9? I'll give her one..

How do Alaska CB radio operators say "10-4"?

5-5-2-2.

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What's the difference between a boy and a girl?

His dad answers, "Well, there's a vas deferens!"

What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend?

A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!

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Why was Phil Collins......never a good betting man?

Because he always went Against All Odds.

Whats the odd one out?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

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What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'Merry Christmas'?

They are both santa clauses.

What did Santa Clause give all the naughty boys and girls for Christmas this year?

He made them Batman.