Santa Claus Jokes

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three Hos.

What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

Whats the odd one out?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

What does Santa Claus call his more thuggish elves?

Gangsta wrappers!

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks.

What is Santa Claus' favorite metal band?

Sleigher

What's red and white and red, red and white and red and white?

Santa Claus rolling down a roof!

Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

He knows where all the bad girls live

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What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby?

You can feel his presents...

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

How does Santa Claus take pictures?

With his North Pole-aroid.

What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.

What does the bee Santa Claus say?

Ho hum hum!

What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops at 3 ho's

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am?

It's your dad.

Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live.

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What type of wind is named after Santa Claus's warm climate cousin?

Santa Ana

What goes red and white, red and white, red and white?

Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

What do you ask from Santa Claus this year?

Oh, just 50 dollars, like always.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

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What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

How do librarians file melted marshmallows?

According to the Gooey Decimal System.

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What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice. I shall take my leave now.

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Why do windbreakers smell bad?

Because all they do is break wind.

What do you call a wind that never gusts?

Disgusting.

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What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?

You can tune a chainsaw.

What's the difference between a week-old human and a weak, old human?

About eighty years

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What did the man say to the Formula 1 driver who nearly rear-ended him?

Thanks Verstappen.

What is the only man made object visible from space?

Holland.

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Why was the Moon in a bad mood?

It was just going through one of its phases.

What is the difference between Bing Bong and Neil Armstrong?

Only one of them made it to the moon.

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How do you know accountants have no imagination?

They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

What do you call it when the girl you like likes you back?

Imagination