Communist Jokes

Why did Russia lose the race?

Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

Which is the most communist vegetable?

The soviet Onion

Why was the communist arrested?

He was caught red handed.

What's similar between communists and communism?

Neither work.

What do you call a frozen Communist?

A hammer and pop-sickle

Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

What do you call an arranged marriage between two communists who don't like each other?

A so-be-it union.

Why do Communists only drink coffee?

Because proper tea is theft.

Why do Communists drink herbal tea?

Because proper-tea is theft.

What do you call a communist pirate?

Lutin.

Who was the funniest Communist?

Roflmao

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

How do Communists achieve a revolution every single year?

They planet!

Why were there no feminists in Communist China?

Because everyone had equal rice.

How does a communist do well in school?

He gets good marx.

What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS Arrrrrr

Where do Communists go to get burgers?

Czechers.

How do we know cats are communists?

All they ever say is Mao.

What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?

A marxman.

What do you call a party of communists that haven't seen each other in years?

Soviet Reunion Terrible and painful, I know.

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

What's the difference between a communist and a feminist?

The communist wants equality

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What do you get when you mix a communist and a capitalist?

Bernie Sanders

What do communists clean first when they do their laundry?

Their Linens

What do you get when you cross a cartoon character and a Communist?

Mickey Mao.

What do communists do on May Day?

Paint the town red.

What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?

On your Marx, get set, go!

What do a communist and a nihilist have in common?

It's all the same to them

How'd the date go?

Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

What do communists put in their soup?

Soviet Onions.

What do a communist and communism itself have in common?

Neither one works.

Who is the communist leader of r/Jokes?

Chairman

What do you call a communist video streaming service?

Niet-flix.

You might also enjoy:

Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So people don't confuse them for feminists.

What is the difference between a feminist and a machist?

The second lacks the hypocrisy of the first.

British Jokes More British Jokes

What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.

How do you find a British person in a crowd?

1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066.

Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

Why did the Kurd bury his music collection?

His tribesman said "ISIL is approaching, and they're coming for Yazidis."

Why do you bury lawyers 20 feet deep?

Because deep down they're good people

American Jokes More American Jokes

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.

How did the dyslexic American mathematician sing the first line of his national anthem?

Oh secant, you say

Theft Jokes More Theft Jokes

Why do Communists only drink coffee?

Because proper tea is theft.

Why was Karl Marx arrested for brewing a cup of Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge?

Define intervention." Came up with this today at work.

What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

SQUAAATS!...Polly want a cracker.

Apple Pie Jokes More Apple Pie Jokes

Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags?

Me: Kidding At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.

What did the apple say to the apple pie?

You've got some crust.

Race Jokes More Race Jokes

Which cat won the race?

The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.

Why would Superman have won any race he ran against Roy Roger's dog?

Because he was faster than a speeding Bullet...