Onion Jokes

How would you handle a complaint from a customer?

Applicant: Well that depends, what's the complaint? Interviewer: He's complaining that his burger had onions on it, even though he specifically asked they were to be removed. Applicant: Well I'd start by telling him he's in the retail section.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What do you get when you mix pie and onions?

Opinions!

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

What do onions and people have in common?

I weep uncontrollably when I cut them.

What do you need to make a crystal salad?

Onions, tomatoes, and a whole bunch of lattice

Whats the square (root) of a (onion)???

Shallots

Where do onions fight?

In the onion ring!

What do you call an edible ion?

An onion

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion

Why don't you transport onions by boat?

You don' want your boat to be full of leeks.

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Where do onions wrestle?

Onion rings.

How is a hailstone like an onion?

They are both whitish and have layers

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?

Teargas

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

What makes a chef sadder the skinnier it gets?

An onion.

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

Tear gas.

What does a bag of rice and an onion do when they get into a fast car?

They pilaf. I'll show my way out

Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

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What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.

Why do onions have poor self-image?

Because people cry when they get onions naked.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

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People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"?

Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it

What state do most people live in?

Denial. Myself included.

Chop Jokes More Chop Jokes

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

Soviet Jokes More Soviet Jokes

Why do Soviets use lowercase letters?

Because they don't understand CAPitalism

What happens when the USSR gets back together?

A Soviet Reunion.

Tomatoe Jokes More Tomatoe Jokes

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie?

To-mate-toes!

Mix Jokes More Mix Jokes

What do you call a mix between holiday poultry and a ghoul?

A gobblin.

What do you get when you mix batteries and water?

Watt-er

Communist Jokes More Communist Jokes

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

Why was the communist arrested?

He was caught red handed.

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

What is Britain's most popular newspaper amongst breastfeeding mothers?

The Daily Express.

What did the Chinese man say when he found out his mother died?

I can't bereave it!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What's the best way to get a youthful figure?

Ask a woman her age.

What did the pot-smoking alien say when asked what toppings he wanted on his sammich?

Ayy lil' mayo.