Onion Jokes

How would you handle a complaint from a customer?

Applicant: Well that depends, what's the complaint? Interviewer: He's complaining that his burger had onions on it, even though he specifically asked they were to be removed. Applicant: Well I'd start by telling him he's in the retail section.

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What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What do you get when you mix pie and onions?

Opinions!

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

What do onions and people have in common?

I weep uncontrollably when I cut them.

What do you need to make a crystal salad?

Onions, tomatoes, and a whole bunch of lattice

Whats the square (root) of a (onion)???

Shallots

Where do onions fight?

In the onion ring!

What do you call an edible ion?

An onion

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion

Why don't you transport onions by boat?

You don' want your boat to be full of leeks.

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Where do onions wrestle?

Onion rings.

How is a hailstone like an onion?

They are both whitish and have layers

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?

Teargas

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

What makes a chef sadder the skinnier it gets?

An onion.

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

Tear gas.

What does a bag of rice and an onion do when they get into a fast car?

They pilaf. I'll show my way out

Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

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What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.

Why do onions have poor self-image?

Because people cry when they get onions naked.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

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Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

How the fight started Wife: Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me: How about a newspaper. Wife: OK, which one Me: Today's.

What superheroes refuse to fight in North Carolina?

The X-Men

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why Isn't The Media Covering This?

The media asks other media, peering into its media mirror, media-ing before a day of media in media.

Who these days is hard "Is your person white?

Excuse me " "Is your person white " "I don't see skin color I just see people"

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?

Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.

Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads?

They're always cutting lines

Saxophone Jokes More Saxophone Jokes

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

Why are the saxophone afraid of the trombone?

Because the trombone is a sax offender.

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

Why are you home from school so early?

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh really What was the question Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal "

Wrestle Jokes More Wrestle Jokes

Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?

They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.

Where do onions wrestle?

Onion rings.

Tomatoe Jokes More Tomatoe Jokes

Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie?

To-mate-toes!

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

Remove Jokes More Remove Jokes

Why are mods the worst?

Removed

How do you make a Welsh person comfortable while playing Scrabble?

Remove the vowels in his rack.