I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake
For smoking in bed.
Bed buglars.
He wanted to see how long he slept.
Muenster.
Run!
Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake and gets me up when I'm sleepy!
When your nose touches the ceiling!
Because he is lying.
You go on to bed, I'm just going to hang here a while.
He has a big E on his pajamas.
There's 21 of them
A fiddle between the sheets
Me: Because my bed is at home.
You wake up wet!
Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.
In a tone like you have no idea) "No bunny nose" -Made up this morning in bed to a very dissatisfied girlfriend
Stripey pyjamas!
Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.
Because she wanted to sleep like a log.
Because it saw the pillow slip.
Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.
Bed, bath and Beyond-ce.
She wanted to see how long she slept.
Me: In case there's a burglar. 5: Me: 5: Why do burglars like to play baseball
A matching one for the other side of the bed.
The sock under my bed.
He replied......It's hard
Me: The bus mostly Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning M: missing the bus
He wrote sheet music.
I answer back... You mean in bed
Sleep in the wardrobe.
Space Jammies!
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
The tube sock under my bed.
Cried Baby Bear.
It's because he heard hospital beds have a high mortality rate.
So you could hit the sack.
To feed her nightmare.
Tennish!
Sheet
Urine it.
Don't sleep long in it.
She was feeling Sleepy.
His mother told him to hit the hay.
Me neither. Help.
I am in bed and thinking about you... And you my dear - I am at a club... And sitting right behind you!!
I usually sleep ON the bed. #DadJoke
A "no one will ever believe me".
I'm going to bed." Except he said it in Hungarian.
His wife didn't know any decent crackers.
To see how long he slept for.
Put velcro on the ceiling.
With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed
Shh I'm undercovers
Your head hits the ceiling!
Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
Because they don't want a man lost!
A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
He likes his drinks shaken, not stirred.
Well, I guess it would be marshmadness
Flying Somewhere?": "How'd you guess?": "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?": "Aspen.": "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."
A fridge with a denim jacket on.
No, Woman, no pie.
If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!
The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.
When you talk to a bad girl, ask 'How much are you '
He knows where all the bad girls live
Because they were 50% off!
Because they're so rare.
I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.
You-knew-who
