Think Jokes

Why is the Math Book so sad?

It has so many problems! -Sorry doing a whole bunch of math today and i thought of this.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What do John Mellencamp and Ashton Kutcher have in common?

They both picked up a Cougar and then thought better of it.

What did one saggy tt say to the other saggy tt?

If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!

What did the soap say to the hands as they were being washed?

I think we're in sink.

What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns?

I think he would be most strict on nail gun control. (Credit to Taylor on PKA)

Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road?

Do they really think someone will take it Do you think I should wash it first

What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket?

Hey, I think he moved.

What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins?

They think they are in a pickle.

What do you guys think of message boards?

I'm all forum.

When are you going to learn to drive?

I don't think they feel very safe in my taxi.

What do you call a teacher that's always late?

Mr. Bus (think about it)

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Who is the prettiest of my friends?

Me: your mother, why W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.

Why do blondes smile when it's lightning?

A. Because, they think they are having their picture taken.

What do you think of Miles Davis?

He kind of blew

Why did the door to door sales man get nervous and run away?

He was selling In-Security Heh yeah i dunno i thought it up in a dream and I'm still half asleep bye

Why don't all Libertarian candidates have dwarfism?

I thought Libertarians believed in small government.

How many kids do you think Wolverine has?

Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out.

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?

A. A power failure.

Why were the 2 in love melons upset?

Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)

Why can't you be the king I know?

The king you have inside you SIMBA: That doesn't make sense. I think I'd remember if I ate a king.

Who do you think you are, Baryshnikov?

Get over yourself.

Who was that coughing in the background?

Me: Oh, that was Denise. Dad: Oh, da' niece I thought it was da' nephew. Buh dum tsssssssss

Why so down?

Aquaman: People think I'm not a real superhero. I'm tired of being walked all over. *Jesus enters Aquaman: Dammit!

Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

How is Ellen Pao so good at driving Reddit into the ground?

I thought Asian women couldn't drive &amp#3232&amp#3232

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

What did everyone think?

STEVE: PAUL: JANE: SARAH: MARK: DAVE:

Why did the lady stare at the orange juice?

Because she thought it was telling her to concentrate!

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!

Dad, can you put my shoes on?

I don't think they'll fit me.

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F Jokes More F Jokes

What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?

FIRETRUCK.

What did the letter F say when he became cool?

Sup G

Chick Jokes More Chick Jokes

What did the hen say to his bar pals?

Let's get some chicks!

What do a chick and KFC have in common?

Once you're done enjoying the legs, thighs and breasts your left with a greasy box to stick your bone in.

200 Mile Jokes More 200 Mile Jokes

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.

What's the difference between an American and a Briton?

Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.

40 Year Old Jokes More 40 Year Old Jokes

How many years of experience do you have?

50 - Really You are 40 years old - I had lots of overtime

What is it called when someone gives birth to a 40 year old man?

A midwife crisis

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

What did I have to tell the homeopathic drug addict?

That's an oxy, moron!

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why do baby clothes have pockets?

I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"

Why do the Avengers keep calling Spiderman over to fix their computer?

Because they heard he's a web developer

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

How do you remember your wedding anniversary?

Forget it once.

What part does Woody Harrelson want to be remembered for most?

Harrelson's woodie.

Popcorn Jokes More Popcorn Jokes

What does popcorn and KFC have in common?

Greasy, old kernals

How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn?

China probably can pop corn in one minute.