Doctor Jokes

Why do computer teachers never get sick?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

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What is the worst thing you want to hear from a doctor giving you a prostate exam?

Look ma, no hands!

What did the doctor say to the infertile Princess Bride?

Inconceivable!

Why couldn't The Doctor play baseball?

They couldn't figure out Who was on first (Sorry, if this has been submitted before, im new here)

Why is a doctor always calm?

He got a lot of patients

Why are doctors sued for malpractice at the beach?

Because they are judged by a jury of their piers.

Why are doctors always calm?

They have a lot of patients. Sorry.

What did the gentleman say to the doctor when he went to get his pus drained?

Please! I in cyst!

What do you call a person who got straight "D's" in medical school?

A Doctor.

What does the Doctor use to keep things running smoothly in the T.A.R.D.I.S?

WD-4D

What did the doctor say to the man who couldn't pee?

Urine trouble!

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What doctors shop at Barnes and Noble?

Doctors without Borders. Credit to Max Scoville.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

Which doctor?

I replied "No, a medical one."

What did the doctor say to the Fonz when he got sick?

You need to take your vitamin Ayy.

When do doctors get angry?

When they run out of patients.

Why did the house go to the doctor?

It was having window panes.

What did the router say to the doctor?

It hurts when IP.

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Why did the Mormon cross the road?

To get to the other bride!

What does a Polish man give to his bride on their wedding day that's both long and hard?

His surname

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What's the easiest way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer

What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer...

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What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?

A nun only serves one God.

What do you call 5 doctors and nurses on a ship?

A decade Ba dum tish.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

What's this fly doing in my soup?

The waiter responds, "The backstroke."

Plan Jokes More Plan Jokes

How does NASA plan a party..?

They planet.

How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School?

Just planning ahead...

Act Jokes More Act Jokes

How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task?

A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.

What did the black kid get on his ACT?

BBQ sauce

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?

A drummer.

Why is Max always late?

Hey guys be here at 8:15 pm, max 8:30"

10 Jokes More 10 Jokes

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

What do you get when you cross 10 sodium particles with the Dark Knight?

Nananananananananana BATMAN!