French Jokes

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general?

Napoleon Bunnyparte!

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How do you distinguish a French tank from a British tank?

The rear-view mirrors

What do you call a french racist?

A beget!

What do you call a French pole vaulter?

A Leap Frog

How do you stop a French tank?

Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?

So they can watch the battle

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What do you call a french organized crime detective?

J'accuza

What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?

He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise.

How do French poodles greet each other?

Bone-jour.

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Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow?

Because she's really French, and the French have no GUTS!

What do you call a french man who's been attacked by a bear?

Claude

What is the French verb that means "To declare war"?

Surrendre*

What's the difference between In-n-Out Burger french fries and League of Legends?

I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.

How do I know he was French, do you ask?

He went oui, oui.

Why wasn't Euro Disney popular?

Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?

A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

What do French stoners smoke?

Oui-d

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

What did one dehydrated French guy say to the other?

What do we do now, Pierre

Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?

Ronald MacAardvark!

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they could win one.

What's the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?

Beep Beep Beep...

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

Why was Les miserable?

He was French.

Why did the French fry call the police?

Because it was a(salt)ted.

Why do the french hate League of Legends?

They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering

Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece

How does a French skeleton say hello?

Bone-jour.

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What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial?

I was just following odors.

How do you say 'The Torah' in German?

Kindling.

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Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?

The steaks have never been higher

Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta?

When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.

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How does a mermaid give a man head?

She blows him out of the water

What can we do to stop polluting our waters?

Pupil: Stop taking baths

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How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?

None a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.

What do you say when Kim Kardashian burns to the ground?

Look at all that ash...

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Why did the skeleton leave the party?

Because everyone was calling him a bone-head. (I was 6 when I came up with that).

What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?

Boss: I don't know. Guy: I'm not coming in this morning!

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When will there be a woman in the White House?

When Hillary leaves town.

Why do women always sleep on the left side of the bed?

BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!!!

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What tense do Italians speak in?

Pasta continuous.

Why are do many Italian-Americans named Tony?

When they came to Ellis Island, not one of them could speak a lick of English, but they all had "To NY" on their hats.

French Fry Jokes More French Fry Jokes

Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece

Why did Aristotle hate French fries?

They were fried in ancient grease!