Arm Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?

A taxi

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do all the ladies love Jesus?

Spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

How much does a red lightsaber cost?

An arm and a leg edit: slightly improved punchline

What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'?

Ssh bby is ok

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What did the child with no arms get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.

Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars?

She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there Me: Not Lucy.

What does a Soldier and a Shoulder have in common?

They have access to arms.

What does an octopus wear on a cold day?

A coat of arms!

When I see a "How am I driving?

Sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why did Timmy fall off the swing?

Me: why Him: Timmy has no arms. Knock knock. Me: Who's there Him: Not Timmy.

Why did Sally fall of the swingset?

She had no arms. BONUS JOKE: Knock Knock. Who's there Not Sally.

What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.

What do you call a man with three arms and a pegleg?

I have no idea because the actual joke is always in the comments.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?

Noob.

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!

Why did the football player laugh when he broke his arm?

Because it was humerus.

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

Why couldn't Harry play basketball?

Because he's got no arms.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

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Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

When you are driving though the field in Texas, you see a lot of cattle. They are very special. Wanna know why?

They are out standing in the field

What type of car does a Loch ness monster Drive?

A nissan

Swimming Pool Jokes More Swimming Pool Jokes

Why does the swimming pool get laid every night?

Because he makes all the ladies wet.

Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?

Because they couldn't hold their trunks up!

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How do you pay for things in the Czech Republic?

Cash or Czech Edit: a word

Why do strippers hate roofers?

They always pay in shingles.

Porch Jokes More Porch Jokes

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

What are your best 'no arm, no legs' jokes?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on his porch Matt.

Bear Grylls Jokes More Bear Grylls Jokes

Why does Bear Grylls love Bud Light?

It's sterile and he likes the taste.

How many bear arms could Bear Grylls bear to bear if Bear Grylls could bear to bear bear arms?

Bear

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

She turned it over and used the other side.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Ayeee-Matey

Foot Jokes More Foot Jokes

What has two feet, two hands, two eyes, and two noses?

Two pirates.

How does the author of Harry Potter descend a mountain?

On foot, how else? JK Rowling

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What do The Walking Dead and the Fast and Furious series have in common?

They both have dead walkers.

Why do the models on the catwalks always look so angry?

I would have been very happy to get paid to just walk around in fancy clothes.